Serendipity, Synchronicity, Serenity Now!

Lately my life has taken on a state of synchronization. I began my life coaching seminar with Landmark Education a few weeks ago. The first session was all about "getting in the game." The Sunday following that session, I attended church at the invitation of an old friend I recently reconnected with. The topic of the sermon was also all about getting in the game. Huh. That's curious, I thought.

The next week the Landmark session focused more on 'creating possibilities' for ourselves. I went to church with my friend again the following Sunday and what do you suppose was the topic of the day's sermon? Absolutely. Creating dreams, setting goals and going for them in life.

By now I'm wondering if the preachers are somehow affiliated with the Landmark Education organization?

I've also been re-reading The Secret, which focuses on creating the life you want. Again, a reiteration of the Landmark Education mission.

AND I was already in the process of applying for grad school at Seattle Pacific University (a Christian university) when my friend invited me to her church, a church that seems to genuinely resonate with me. No, I'm not a member yet...I'm just being open and checking it out. Trying it on...seeing if this is for me or not.

As if that isn't enough serendipity to make me aware of what might be going on here, it turns out that the friend I've been going to church with, has the same business idea as I've been discussing with several people the last few weeks. A discussion of our dreams over coffee Sunday evening revealed we are a match! We are exploring a partnership. Yea for us. Now for the serenity of feeling like I know where I'm headed...or, the chaos of starting up something new, yet again.

Help Yourself to Some Self-Help

Just back from a five day get-a-way in San Diego. What, exactly, I was getting away from is a good question. The grind of job seeking? Not really. The hectic daily life of mid-day yoga followed by power walks in the autumn sunshine? No. Walking dogs around beautiful Green Lake? Nope- no need to get away from that. My life-style these past few weeks has suited me well, I think. At the request of my former (insane) boss, I worked for him on a two day project last week. I was quickly reminded of why I don't work for him any longer. Decision to quit confirmed a good one(if this situation occurs again, I'll need an intervention from my friends and loved ones).

No, I wasn't really getting away from anything, just off to enjoy the southern California beaches and catch up with my friends down there while I was unemployed and free to travel. I mean, I hadn't been anywhere since, ummm, August. Early August.

As I sat down at my computer today to catch up on emails and take a look at some employment websites, I paused and noticed the stack of books on my shelf. I've got every sort of self-help book imaginable. Not the sort that lonely single people delve into: "Alone Again and Learning to Love It," "Finding Your Soul Mate," or "Will Ever I Love Again?" No, not those kinds of self-help. My stack is of the 'finding your career' nature, which is very similar to the former actually. As I've mentioned in past posts, the similarities between a happy career and a happy relationship are uncanny.

From my distant past life I've got "The Greatest Salesman in the World" by Og Mandino, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey, "Life Makeovers" by Cheryl Richardson and Barbara J. Winter's "Making a Living Without a Job." I'd read them all cover to cover.

Since my return to the states two years ago, I've acquired "Go Put Your Strengths to Work" by Marcus Buckingham, "Life is Short-Wear Your Party Pants" by Loretta LaRoche, and let's not forget "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne (I also saw the video!).

I've got my fair share of writing self-help books as well: "Bird by Bird" Anne Lamott, "Your Writing Coach" Jurgen Wolff, "How to Get Happily Published" Judith Applebaum and I've completed Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way" twice!

Recently, a friend just shoved into my hands "What Should I Do With My Life" Po Bronson and "Do What You Are" Paul D. Tieger & Barbara Barron-Tieger. "You've got to read these," she insisted. They are still sitting on my dining room table. There is only so much of this stuff a person can absorb in a given period (or lifetime).

Furthermore, another friend involved with Landmark Education ("Innovative Programs for Living an Extraordinary Life") convinced me it was time to sign up for the Landmark Forum in Action Seminar series. I'd attended the Forum several years ago. It was helpful, so I figured why not give the followup series a try. I think my life is pretty extraordinary already (yes, I live in a skewed, warped bubble), but it could be improved upon, certainly. And I seem to have tapped out all the books on the subject matter.

I'm sure if I surround myself with all this positive rah rah, the universe will salute me and I'll be rewarded with wonderful outcomes. Surely.

Easing into Something

Today was my first day of unemployment-yet, again. It's a situation that is none too foreign to me fortunately. Or unfortunately. However one chooses to look at the situation. It's a position I've chosen, so I can't moan and groan about it. I've actually chosen my sanity over working for a - shall I say "challenging" boss. He still owes me my final paycheck, so I've coveted his Vespa until he coughs up the dough. Seems fair enough given his M.O.

So I had a leisurely morning of drinking coffee in my bathrobe while researching jobs, schools, answering emails that have piled up over the long weekend, and booking a trip to San Diego. Yes, I get so easily distracted when I get on this computer. One thing leads to another, which leads to a few phone calls with friends afar, which ultimately leads to ... a trip.

I won't say what time I finally climbed out of my bathrobe and donned some actual clothing, but the sun had come out beckoning me to join it. I wasn't getting very far on the job/school search either. After a few hours of that, it begins to seem very futile and monotonous. It's only day one for crying out loud. Save a little job searching for tomorrow. Besides, I don't even know what I'm looking for at this point. I need to time to think, reflect, breathe and detox from the old job!

So I ran a couple of errands. First stop hair color. I had splurged and had my hair "professionally" colored at Rudy's for my birthday (yeah, I went all out), but now that I'm unemployed, it's back to the 'box'. After a few more stops, I went to Green Lake for a nice walk. It was such beautiful fall-like day. I got half way around when I overheard a girl telling someone on the phone that she was near "World Wraps." World Wraps? Yum. I haven't had a wrap for ages. I'm hungry. I promptly veer off the walking path and head straight for a (small size) "Spicy Caribbean Sole" wrap. Again, I can't seem to stay on task.

I happily nosh on my wrap and then get back to business, feeling more content, although a little guilty. I shouldn't be spending money on World Wraps and I definitely shouldn't be interrupting my exercise to EAT!

Okay, it's just my first day. Although I'm no novice at being unemployed, I do need to give myself a little time to adjust to my new routine. A routine of having no set routine that is. At least for a few days.

On Bended Knee

Practically on his knees, the boss all but begged me to stay on at work. He worked every angle ... stroking my ego, attempting to boost my self-confidence, pointing out my leadership role with the other staff, and, yes, finally appealing to my bank account. It's not much but he did offer a little more dough, effective immediately,  if I stayed on through August. He was actually working towards 'forever' but I gave him through August.  I also gave him a list of my own concessions, i.e. no more nights and weekends after tomorrow (we have a midnight airport pickup), I'll leave work early when I have something personal planned, I'll take my Colorado vacation in two weeks,  I'll search for a new job during work hours if I so desire and time permits and  I'll go to interviews, if I have any during that time. At the end of August, I'm done. He still tried to persuade me to continue beyond August, "through the summer" (uh, summer officially ends Sept 21), but I held firm and am set on the August 29 end date.  

Why cave, you might ask? Well, this morning before heading off to the salt mines, my best pal and I booked a three week trip to Vietnam. 

I seem to have a knack for booking expensive vacations when I am or about to become unemployed. Considering the trip cost, the payment due date and my upcoming job status, I figured it'd be in my best interest to take the high road and  stick it out for one more month with my crazy boss and ease a bit of the depleting cash burden. And it buys me another month to keep searching for my 'what's next' step. 

The End of an Era

Or is it 'the end of an error?' Both the job and the guy were the wrong match and I knew that from the beginning of both relationships. Ironically enough I started each within just a few days of each other (new job October 21, met #8 Oct 27) and they've both ended within a few days of each other. I gave my notice at work on July 7 and #8 called and left me a "Dear Jane" voice message on July 11. 

I do believe in the theory that when one door closes another opens. So I'm leaving mine unlocked to make it a little easier. I also don't actually believe that either situation was an "error."  Maybe they both dragged out a bit longer than they should have. I clung on, for whatever reason,  a tad too long in both scenarios. But each brought a certain degree of satisfaction, some level of reward for a little while at least. If nothing else, they each provided stories to entertain my friends with. 

Starting again with a clean slate and I'm so ready! I'm feeling a little worse for wear at the moment as ending any kind of relationship leaves me reflective and  my last few weeks at the job are going to be full, hectic and stressful. But when I'm done, I'll take a short vacation to visit my cousins in Colorado, reconnect with family and come back to Seattle to take on the world...or become a barista. 

I have enough in my meager savings to pay two months rent or buy a used scooter on craigslist. Hmmm, which will I do?

 

What's the Plan Stan?

"Sh*t or get off the pot." I've always rather found that phrase a bit too crass to find humorous. But I do believe, it applies to me at this stage of my life.

After the day (week) I've had, I need to take the 'life bull' by the horns and actually make something amazing happen. It's been two years since my return to the states. Two years I could have been going to school, building a business, or doing most anything more productive than the fiddling around I've been doing while I attempt to "figure things out", all the while awaiting some fabulous opportunity to just land on my lap in a nicely foil-wrapped package. I'm a fairly lucky person, but not that lucky.

I know that I need to take action to make something happen. Movement equals movement. Stagnation most definitely does not equal movement. As a matter of a fact stagnation equals paralyzing, lethargic confusion, loss of confidence and further stagnation.

Before you know it you're in a go nowhere job working like a beaten dog for a ridiculous man, semi-dating a man you barely have anything in common with, and complaining about the weather as if it mattered. I have never complained about the weather so much in my life. The weather never used to affect me this way. Either it's gotten worse (Global Warming?) or I've gotten old and cranky. Or maybe- just maybe- it's the stagnation getting to me.

I've either got to actually DO something about my situation or shut up (i.e. 'sh*t or get off the pot'). My friends are going to stop calling and I love my friends. Without them, I got nottin'!

So maybe, if I write something down (or type it in my blog) where people (ehem, me) can see my commitment in print, I'll feel more dedicated to the cause. More apt to 'prove' I can do this. I can make a change by golly! I won't make some pie in the sky goal. But a reasonable goal. By this fall, I will be on my way to .... somewhere. There, a time frame set, but a broad enough goal to give me options!

Transitioning into Reality

On the way home from a great day of skiing on Sunday, I was suddenly slapped in the face with the reality stick. I hate when that happens. It always seem to sting just a bit too much.

Numero Ocho and I were talking about work and money. Actually, he was talking about work and money since he works...a lot...and has money. He's got his main 40 hour a week regular job as a flight instructor at Boeing (yeah, 40 hours a week may be generous), his military reserves duty (you know those jobs where they stand guard two days a month and get paid oodles cause they are protecting our land blah blah blah), and he sells real estate on the side. He said he was finally making up for several years when he didn't make much money. I commented on how I needed to get on that program as well. Open Pandora's Box why don't I? He proceeded to lecture me on how "yes, my dear, I hate to say it, but you really do need to plan for the future. You can't count on someone else taking care of you." yadda yadda yadda. I am sure this mini-lecture stung because he's absolutely correct. However, I am working toward that end. I am trying to find the right job for me that will help me with my future financial needs. I just refuse to sell-out completely and take a job where I work like a dog, but it doesn't work for me.

Rather than being dropped off at my front door feeling exhilarated from a day of skiing with my sweetie, being out in nature and exercising, I felt kinda down. Empty. Yeah. What am I doing exactly? I've been talking about going back to grad school for some time now. Seems to be almost necessary in this day and age if a person wants to get ahead. I always felt my BA, my life and business experience should get me to my next level, but I'm not so sure anymore. Seems lately, I'm surrounded by people obtaining their masters and PhD's.

Having just read my friend's blog, I am also reminded that I have recently been feeling a bit like a slacker for not actually continuing my education. Part of that is the fact that we are in one of the most educated cities in America (if you ride the metro at all, this fact is often questionable) and everyone does seem to be enrolled in some school or professional study program of one kind or another. I always felt that was one way young people avoided the "real world" a bit longer. And I still think that to a point. But the fact remains that a BA seems pretty worthless these days.

I'm in my mid-forties, transitioning into my next field, have a very small nest egg that I'd like to make grow somehow and I would like to buy a home someday somewhere. The grad school issue poses the questions of what do I want to study? Where would the money come from? How would I continue to work and where? I've been thinking of a masters in TESOL for some time now. Teaching English abroad again does appeal to me and if I do that I'd like to go into it at a more advanced, career-like level. I'm also interested in cultural affairs, training and education. Unfortunately, although my current job is on the right track, I don't see there ever being an opportunity for me to actually do the training, traveling abroad and teaching. My boss is pretty narrow minded with regard to those of us who, as he puts it, just went to school to get a BA , get out and work the rest of our lives. To that I say "whatever." If I compare my life to his, I definitely choose mine even if I don't have the wall full of certificates and diplomas his sports.

So much for my live by the seat of my pants attitude. It's not like the issues of future finances, health care, and home ownership haven't been on my mind. They are things on my mind constantly. I'm just trying to deal with them in a way that will satisfy my bank book and my heart.

I think the other reason that 'reality stick slapping session' stung was the fact that #8 was making it very clear that he was not going to be the one who would be looking after me. Ummm...yeah, I never insinuated that or implied such a thing. As a matter of fact, I pay my fair share on every date unless he insists on paying...and then I end up paying for the next one. How could he even suggest such a thing about me? This is why dating has been a problem for me. Men are frightened of women who don't have high paying jobs with loads of benefits and 401k's. They are also frightened of women my age who don't have children assuming we are going to want them and are looking for a sperm. It's rough out there, ladies. Everyday seems to come with one challenge or another. Keeps me on my toes, but my toes are beginning to cramp!

Act II Scene I

So last week I was in a movie. Well, an Indy film. And, okay, so I was just an 'extra.' But still, I'm now hob knobbing with the stars. Or, potential stars, rather.

The whole experience was pretty interesting and fun. The film is called Miss Shellagh's Mini Skirt (Petal Films, LLC) directed by Terisa Greenan. When she asked me if I wanted to be an extra I said 'sure'. I don't have a lot on my plate these days. It'd be fun to be a part of a movie- or at least see the goings on on a movie set. Besides, I figured I would just be in a crowd scene. Not like I'd have to actually act or anything. No one will see my mug in this thing, right?

Wrong. There were only three to five extras in the two scenes shot that night. We were definitely in full view of the camera. Great. My already 10 lb excess will appear to be a 20 lb excess. At one point I'm shot walking into the bar wearing my knee length pink coat. It'll look like a giant pepto bismol ad in the middle of the film! But that aside, it was a lot of fun. It was a bar scene, shot at the Owl and Thistle down on post alley from 2 a.m. til about 7.30 a.m. I now have a better appreciation for all the 'takes', 'cuts' and 'actions' that it takes to make a film. At one point my co-extra got me laughing so hard I felt like a kid in church again with my mother giving me the evil eye. It was uncontrollable! I couldn't stop. We were both holding our hands over our mouths trying to stifle our guffaws! It seemed to go on forever before I finally heard mom...I mean the director say "Cut! Okay, good job everyone. Let's do it again." Sheesh. Ya think? I felt terrible, though, because it was five in the morning by then and everyone was getting tired and rummy.

So here are a group of people: actors, directors, writers, technical crew. Is this what they do for a living? How do they 'make it?' I mean, how do they make ends meet? Well, certainly most of them do something else for money. Most have what we'd call "real" jobs. But what's nice is when you ask one of them 'what do you do?' They will tell you, "I'm a writer" or "I'm an actress." I think we Americans are a little mixed up when it comes to talking about what we do.

If I want to know what someone does for their job, their daily grind, their income, I'll just ask what do you do for work? Or where do you work? But honestly, I'm more interested in what a person does for life. What is their passion, their hobby, their thing. As a woman transitioning in her forties, one of the hardest questions I deal with from strangers is the ever dreaded "what do you do?" and I know they mean career-wise. I often answer "as little as humanly possible." That kind of flippant and vague response usually gets the conversation headed into a somewhat different direction. A direction that veers off the 'what do you do' question.

What do I do? Well, I write. I write a lot. I write every day. I write at home, on the bus, at my temp job (when I can sneak it in). I take writing classes. I am an aspiring writer. I also read. I read everything. There is the hope that if I read a lot, I will write better. So I read. And then I write some more. What have I written? If you mean what have I published, well, nothing yet. But I'm working on that.

There is the misconception out there that it's easy to write a book. Sure it's easy to write the book...given enough time and persistence. But getting published, as you writers know, is a whole other story. I told one friend that I'd like do public speaking. Public speaking, teaching, writing. Something that incorporates all those skills. "Why don't you write a book?" she says. Gee...why didn't I think of that?

The leading actor in the film said often, when he is out in a bar or some place, people will ask him what he does.

"I'm an actor," he says.

"Oh really? What would I have seen you in?" they ask.

"Umm, yeah, if you had seen me in something, I'd be a star and I probably wouldn't be standing in this random bar talking to you." Yes, he was kidding...a little.

Last night was the wrap party. Even though I had no actual part, I went to show my appreciation and support to the director, cast and crew and cheer them on. Also, if you want to know the truth, I was hopeful of running into one of the cuties I met the other night. Of course, that didn't happen. BUT, I had a great time with the rest of the group and look forward to seeing them all again for the preview party! As for my acting debut, just maybe my giant pepto body will get edited out in the end! And the next time someone asks me what I 'do' I certainly won't say "I'm an actress." At least not yet.