Southern Exposure

Yea! Summer has finally arrived. Well, at least it was here yesterday. Today is questionably grey again. My segue from spring into summer involves some organizing and tidying up of my apartment. The smaller the space, the greater the need for those special storage containers, baskets, shelves and other devices that assist in stowing away the clutter in a creative fashion.

Summer brings long warm days, sunshine (those of us in the PNW can only hope), sandals and maybe even bathing suits. I currently have six months’ worth of sandals in a city with only two months of summer. I have sworn off any more sandal or flip flop purchases until I am able to wear the ones I already own.

Along with my summer apartment tidying ritual, I took a trip to the local waxing salon for some necessary tidying “down there”. More than one friend commented on my bravery. Bravery is not required but humility is. Some women wax for their lovers. I personally wax for myself. I cannot stand mess and disarray in my home or, eh hem…in my private parts.

Previously, I’d visited my local nail salon for bikini waxing services. For a pretty reasonable price, Thuy got down to business. Not a lot of small talk took place as English is Thuy’s second language and is limited. Beyond the polite introductions, she did not have anything more to say. I lay quietly still concentrating on the ceiling tiles. While Thuy worked away ripping the hair from my bikini line with great speed and efficiency, her head bent down just inches from my Hoo-Ha, I tried not to feel self-conscious. But let’s face it, it’s a tad uncomfortable having another chick’s face down in your business whether it’s your Ob Gyn or your wax girl.

Recently, a friend purchased some Group On coupons for waxing services. She meant to buy two, but her finger slipped on the keys and she accidentally ordered 20! Realizing there was an expiration date on the coupons, and her hair growth was not that excessive, she passed the savings on to her furry friends.

My first visit to the salon was aborted because my hair was too short to wax. I walked out more than disappointed that I’d have to continue living with the mess down there for another week and a half. I also felt kind of bad for my boyfriend. He’s too sweet to complain, but honestly, that can’t be a turn on!

I returned for my second visit with more than sufficient growth and ready for the grooming. Melissa, my “waxitician”, asked if I wanted a triangle or just a strip. I dunno, no one has ever asked me what shape I wanted. I suppose I could have requested a heart shape or scull and crossbones. “Just a landing strip,” I said.

She begins working away while we discuss our neighborhoods, walking to work, summer plans. Engaging in mundane chit chat is preferable while being slathered in hot wax, and having every hair follicle aggressively ripped out leaving your skin burning in agony.

Melissa then asks me if I want the “extended bikini”. Errr, I look at her quizzically. I don’t even know what that means. “It gets the hair between the butt cheeks. It comes with the regular bikini wax- no additional charge. Once you have it done, you will love it!” she said. Well, if there is no additional charge, why not? I go for it.

I’m already on my back with my legs in a V-shape. She asks me to pull my right knee up to my ear while she doe that butt cheek, then my left knee for the left side. THEN she directs me to pull both knees up hugging them to my ear. I’m reminded of the Happy Baby Pose in yoga and refrain from giggling.

“You know, Melissa,” I said,” just a few more classes and you could be a gynecologist and make a lot more money.”

Once the angry redness calmed down, I was quite pleased with the outcome. And I have credit left over on my coupon, so I get to do it all over again in a month! Oh the joy. As much as I do this for myself, I do hope my boyfriend appreciates the effort.