Transitioning into Reality

On the way home from a great day of skiing on Sunday, I was suddenly slapped in the face with the reality stick. I hate when that happens. It always seem to sting just a bit too much.

Numero Ocho and I were talking about work and money. Actually, he was talking about work and money since he works...a lot...and has money. He's got his main 40 hour a week regular job as a flight instructor at Boeing (yeah, 40 hours a week may be generous), his military reserves duty (you know those jobs where they stand guard two days a month and get paid oodles cause they are protecting our land blah blah blah), and he sells real estate on the side. He said he was finally making up for several years when he didn't make much money. I commented on how I needed to get on that program as well. Open Pandora's Box why don't I? He proceeded to lecture me on how "yes, my dear, I hate to say it, but you really do need to plan for the future. You can't count on someone else taking care of you." yadda yadda yadda. I am sure this mini-lecture stung because he's absolutely correct. However, I am working toward that end. I am trying to find the right job for me that will help me with my future financial needs. I just refuse to sell-out completely and take a job where I work like a dog, but it doesn't work for me.

Rather than being dropped off at my front door feeling exhilarated from a day of skiing with my sweetie, being out in nature and exercising, I felt kinda down. Empty. Yeah. What am I doing exactly? I've been talking about going back to grad school for some time now. Seems to be almost necessary in this day and age if a person wants to get ahead. I always felt my BA, my life and business experience should get me to my next level, but I'm not so sure anymore. Seems lately, I'm surrounded by people obtaining their masters and PhD's.

Having just read my friend's blog, I am also reminded that I have recently been feeling a bit like a slacker for not actually continuing my education. Part of that is the fact that we are in one of the most educated cities in America (if you ride the metro at all, this fact is often questionable) and everyone does seem to be enrolled in some school or professional study program of one kind or another. I always felt that was one way young people avoided the "real world" a bit longer. And I still think that to a point. But the fact remains that a BA seems pretty worthless these days.

I'm in my mid-forties, transitioning into my next field, have a very small nest egg that I'd like to make grow somehow and I would like to buy a home someday somewhere. The grad school issue poses the questions of what do I want to study? Where would the money come from? How would I continue to work and where? I've been thinking of a masters in TESOL for some time now. Teaching English abroad again does appeal to me and if I do that I'd like to go into it at a more advanced, career-like level. I'm also interested in cultural affairs, training and education. Unfortunately, although my current job is on the right track, I don't see there ever being an opportunity for me to actually do the training, traveling abroad and teaching. My boss is pretty narrow minded with regard to those of us who, as he puts it, just went to school to get a BA , get out and work the rest of our lives. To that I say "whatever." If I compare my life to his, I definitely choose mine even if I don't have the wall full of certificates and diplomas his sports.

So much for my live by the seat of my pants attitude. It's not like the issues of future finances, health care, and home ownership haven't been on my mind. They are things on my mind constantly. I'm just trying to deal with them in a way that will satisfy my bank book and my heart.

I think the other reason that 'reality stick slapping session' stung was the fact that #8 was making it very clear that he was not going to be the one who would be looking after me. Ummm...yeah, I never insinuated that or implied such a thing. As a matter of fact, I pay my fair share on every date unless he insists on paying...and then I end up paying for the next one. How could he even suggest such a thing about me? This is why dating has been a problem for me. Men are frightened of women who don't have high paying jobs with loads of benefits and 401k's. They are also frightened of women my age who don't have children assuming we are going to want them and are looking for a sperm. It's rough out there, ladies. Everyday seems to come with one challenge or another. Keeps me on my toes, but my toes are beginning to cramp!