When The House Is A Rockin'

I've reached the end of my patience rope. My upstairs neighbors have driven me completely mad with their nightly sex romps. I feel like a crabby old hag down here even complaining about this, but the noise in really unnerving. The squeaky bed springs, the headboard slamming into the walls, the moans and groans and gasps for breath. I'm often awaken from a deep sleep by the sounds of their sex. Last night, I lie in bed trying not to listen, but they are practically in the same room with me! My apartment building is old and the floors/ceilings/walls are paper thin. The commotion shakes the entire building....or at least my apartment. But I do wonder if anyone else is privy to this little sex party that goes on every night.

Now, I'm not annoyed that they are having sex...more than me...a LOT more than me. No, that's not my beef. Go at it, I say, have a ball. But do I have to attend this event every evening? For some reason this issue is particularly annoying for me. I wake up with my heart racing...and not in a good way. I don't really understand why I feel such angst. I'm by no means a prude. I can watch a sex scene in a juicy movie and find it more than entertaining. I can read a hot steamy scene in a novel and be completely enthralled. But hearing my neighbors I get so agitated, I want to march upstairs donning my pink fuzzy slippers, and bathrobe, my eye shades flipped up on top of my head and bang on their door. I realize how this would go over, however. Probably not exactly the way to be neighborly.

Last night their business was taking forever. The on-going huffing and puffing for over an hour...and no one was getting off! I was ready to go up there and hand over my favorite vibrator. "Here, get it over with will ya! Works like a charm."

Besides the continual noises of sex, these folks are just noisy in general. They walk heavily on the heels of their feet, it sounds as if they are constantly moving furniture, they slam closet doors and I can even hear the guy yawning! My prior neighbor was as quiet as a mouse. I didn't realize how lucky I'd been.

So what am I to do? I can't go on like this. It's just too disturbing. Apartment living is a challenge at best: shared spaces, laundry room protocol, dumpster and recycle bin rules. But add in noise...explicit sex noise at that...and it's enough to make you grind your teeth.

So here are my choice:

#1 Walk up in my most friendly way. Introduce myself and politely ask them to "shut the f#*k up!

#2 Leave a can of WD40 on their doorstep with a note. "Please use a bit of this next time you have one of your squeaky bed spring pillow fights."

#3 Leave a creatively crafted poem on their door:


Dear Folks in 402
I hear just what you do
Every night when the bed starts rockin'
and the headboard goes a knockin'
you keep me awake
for goodness sake
and I'm hopin' you'll
see my point of view!

ssshhhhh......

#4 Other.

All reasonable suggestions are welcomed.