What Am I Waiting For?

Man, I've got to say. Once again my wonderful friends rally around me with support. Every single one of my friends who have heard my work war stories or read my blog have given their full-fledged support of me quitting this crazy job. Thing is, it's not the actual work I mind. I do some pretty interesting stuff... I write proposals for grants for international training programs, plan the programs, implement the programs, assist the visitors and give tours once they are here, meet fascinating people from all over the world, make new friends, add countries to my list of places to visit, learn about different cultures, fields of study and, with each program, a little more about myself (yeah, even at the ripe old age of 44...eh hem...and then some). 

However, it's the organization itself and its leader that I'm struggling with. So, onward I will go to explore new endeavours...whatever they turn out to be. 

But not ONE of my pals has suggested I stay and try to 'work it out' with the boss man. Well, one did, but after an evening of hearing some of my trials and tribulations, she was adamantly agreeing that I 'just need to quit' along with the others. No one seems concerned that I won't find other work. No one seems aghast at my potential unemployment (once again) and no one is concerned for "my future." 

I think this is just another one of those major differences between men and women. Women seem to know that we're strong enough to get through tough times. We help each other out whenever things get rough. We don't fret about the small stuff and we keep our chins up knowing it will all work out for the best. And it inevitably does. 

Every man in my life (current and past) seems to be more concerned about my future rather than my present. Don't get me wrong. I am definitely thinking about my future and what I do now needs to help with that future, not hinder it. Working at my current job is only hindering (high blood pressure, stress, no sleep, no 401K, minimal insurance, low pay), so I see no point in continuing down that path. I may need to step off the path altogether, re-group and re-route before stepping back out into traffic. But when I do, I'll at least know which road to merge onto and which exits to take. At least that is the goal. 

My horoscope today was a further sign: 

"Not to put any pressure on you, but as things are standing, you might want to do a hard evaluation of your career. Is it working out well for you or is it not? What are your latest achievements? What goals have been left unattained? If you cannot answer positive, this would be the time to make some dramatic changes. If your work does not make your heart sing, then it is time to find employment that does. Life, as they say, is not a dress rehearsal. What are you waiting for before you allow yourself to live authentically?"

After spending two and a half weeks with a group of Egyptian men and women, I'm reminded of how lucky I am to be independent and able to make my own choices in life. What an incredible advantage. I need to continue to take this advantage to put it to good use.

So, yes, what am I waiting for? I suppose the same thing many of us are waiting for...a sign, some cash, an epiphany, an opportunity. It's all coming, I'm sure of it!