A Panty Party

There can be many more trials and tribulations to being a Pet Nanny than people realize. It's not a career for the faint ... or impatient. From one of my very early gigs, I had one of the pets in my care die from an epileptic seizure. I had to re-evaluate my 'career choice' at the time. Do I really want to do this? But I figured what were the chances of that happening again? Within the following two years, two more pets died in my care. I was beginning to feel like the Dr. Kevorkian of animals. One friend even invited me to her house to visit in the hopes that I would take her 18 year old pooch in to be put down because she couldn't do it. She figured I must be good at that by now. I declined that offer. Thanks anyway.

Besides those three furry fatal incidences, there are other hazards to the pet nanny business. Pets might have health issues, require medication, make a mess in the house for example. The other day, while sitting for two adorable little dachshunds, I came home to find them running to the front door to greet me. Already this is alarming because they are to be penned in the kitchen. Clearly they've busted out of the gate somehow. I enter the house cautiously and begin to check around for damages. Immediately I notice dog poo on the sitting room carpet. Quite a bit of poo....but it's firm, easy to pick up and didn't leave any stains. Whew.

I continue to survey the house for any other signs of disarray. Upon reaching the top of the stairs I notice my plastic laundry bag which was sitting next to my suitcase is empty of all my underwear. Three pairs of underwear are strewn in the hallway. I pick them up and two have the crotch eaten out of them! Completely gone. Okay, so this is a little bit funny...and a little bit disgusting! Someone spent the day snacking on my panties! I keep looking around and I see the pillows on the beds are all smashed down. They've obviously been up on the beds partying. I walk past the master bedroom walk in closet and glance in and there I see another pair of pink lacy numbers abandoned. I pick them up. NO CROTCH.

I don't see any more so I go on about my business, fluffing pillows, setting waste baskets upright. I get to thinking about the underwear I've been wearing all week and am certain I'm missing a few pairs. So I start the hunt. I look under beds, inside beds, behind doors. I go back into the walk in closet and get down on my hands and knees and search behind the hanging clothes. Sure enough, there in the back corner is a whole pile of panties! All ruined. All crotchless!

What I found a bit disturbing is the night before I couldn't get my "boyfriend" interested in getting into my panties at all, but here's this dog that, apparently, can't get enough of them!

Later I found one more black and pink lacy number in some random spot waiting to be discovered. Sheesh, I hope I've found them all now. I can only imagine what the owners would think if they found a pair (or two) of crotchless underwear stuffed under their pillow or something. What kind of crazy crotch eating orgy is their pet nanny having in their $2 million home??? SEVEN pair of Victoria Secret panties destroyed! For the next few days I was sure I'd see pieces of lace or elastic in the poo as I was poopy scooping. Someone had to have been having a serious tummy ache.

My 15 year old niece had given me three pair of new VS panties for Christmas. She must have had a premonition. Good call, Alexa, I need them!

Post Holiday Conundrum

With the help of everyone and, especially, Dianne's niece, Daelyn, I came up with the perfect gift for my current sweetie. She suggested a cooking class we could take together. Since he loves to cook, eat interesting foods and enjoys all those gourmet foodstuffs, I thought this was an ideal gift. As Daelyn pointed out, it's something he'd enjoy and we could do together! Viola! I loved it.

Saturday night Dianne and I hunted on line for cooking classes within my modest budget and found Cooks World near University Village (near his neighborhood...a good sign). They posted special holiday hours and I was able to high-tail it down there on Sunday the 23rd to pick up two gift certificates; one for him and one for me. Since I can't really choose what day we'd both be available, this gift allows us to look at the list of classes and work out which one we want to take.

"Why don't you just get one certificate for double the amount?" the woman at the shop asked.

"This way, it will be clear that it's a gift for two. I will present it as a gift for us to enjoy together," I explain, even though while doing so I realized it sounded a bit manipulative.

Included with my certificates, I presented #8 with some homemade spiced nuts (thank you, Marcie!) and some homemade cappuccino mix, balsamic olive oil for dipping and chipotle stuffed olives....and chocolates. I thought it worked out quite well considering where we are in our 'relationship' (early stages) and his enjoyment of food, cooking and event-based gifts over a bunch of material items to fill his house.

Well, I think my attempt at a togetherness gift may have backfired. I presented the gift and he was very excited about all of it. I, however, made a complete error in judgment and said, "if for some reason, the class you really want to take is the night you have your daughter, I suppose you could take her instead." He thought that was an exceptional idea! WTF? I was just making a polite gesture! I wasn't actually suggesting he take his daughter to MY cooking class. What is this man thinking? He isn't, that's for sure. I didn't spend this kind of money for him to take his 14 year old daughter who I haven't even met!

He keeps telling me how he is looking forward to doing things with me because he's been spending all his vacations, New Years Eves, holidays, ski trips etc... with his daughter for the last several years. I present him with what I think is clearly a couples gift and he is actually considering taking his daughter? I'm just floored. Do I say anything? NO...of course I don't. I just sit there stammering over my words in disbelief. I will just have to let this ride a bit and see how it pans out. I'm hoping he'll mention this whole scenario to his sisters and/or co-workers and they will slap him upside the head and set him straight. Yes, I realize I need to be slapped upside the head for opening my mouth in the first place. Me and my polite gestures. They always get me into trouble.

Second Time Around

It occurred to me that possibly the reason I am a little guarded about #8 is that in so many ways, he is very much like my ex-husband. That's not necessarily a bad thing. I mean my ex-husband is a good man. We had many good years together and enjoyed our time overall. And maybe the ways they are similar are in the good ways. I mean I always said that I wanted my next mate to have all my ex's good qualities .... AND a bunch of other great qualities too. One of my male pals asked if I was looking for God. No, not really...Jesus would do just fine.

So these similar traits I'm noticing in #8: he's conservative, attentive, thoughtful, has a sense of humor, is a bit of a goober, analytical, romantic, frugal (some would say downright "cheap"), yet generous toward others, enjoys skiing, cooking and is adventurous with food. Oh...and then there's that sexual chemistry thing...yeah. Maybe my "type" is the conservative, analytical, goobery type.

I'm so afraid of making the same mistake twice, marrying my ex-husband all over again, not realizing that I'm repeating history, that maybe I'm not recognizing that I am actually in a good relationship. Eh...now I'm over analyzing! It hasn't even been two months! Get a grip. I like the guy, but I'm not "va voom" over him. (eeew, I think I felt the same about my ex when we first started dating. I'm in trouble.)

Anyway, after his generous weekend splurge, I am going to need to up the anti on the Christmas gift idea. I don't think a plate of homemade cookies is going to be adequate. Darn.

Five days before Christmas and I'm pretty much back at square one. Yikes.

Weekend Rendezvous

Our weekend rendezvous started out with #8 picking me up and presenting me with a rose after apologizing for being a little late (he was not late at all!). He took me up to La Conner where we had a wonderful meal at the La Conner Brewing Company, where we sat by the fireplace and enjoyed a spicy artichoke dip and delicious steamed clams in a coconut milk sauce. We strolled through the town, poking into shops, buying a few Christmas gifts for our friends and families. He is actually a great shopper. Later, we drove on to our accommodation, Guest House Log Cottages in Greenbank on Whidbey Island.

They were the sweetest, most romantic little cottages, nestled in the woods. Ours was decorated in Christmas lights, located on a quaint pond and we were greeted by a little Christmas tree in the living area; the ultimate in coziness. We lit the wood stove, corked a bottle of red wine, and snuggled down for an evening of romance. And romantic it was. The bed was incredible. Once I got in, I didn't want to leave. I told #8 it was a good thing we were leaving on Sunday, or I'd never want to get out of this bed!

The breakfast was a spread laid out (the table was pre-set for us) in style. Sparkling cider, croissants, danishes, cheeses, eggs (in the frig), yogurt, apple sauce, fruit juices, coffee all available for our pleasure. #8 whipped up a couple of fluffy cheese omelets while I showered. Hell, my culinary contribution consisted of making coffee while he was in the shower!

After breakfast (okay, brunch) and checking out, we walked around the grounds inspecting the other cottages (all lovely!) and then we drove to Langley and strolled some more picking up a few more gifts before catching our ferry back to Seattle.

It was an amazing weekend, actually. I keep saying that #8 is 'not my type' or 'too conservative' or 'a bit goofy,' but I have to say he is very attentive, sweet, generous (for a cheapskate pilot) and the sex is just too good to give up right now!

Oh, and he did notice my lingerie! I didn't think he would since he's one of those guys who rips your bra off without even looking at it. But he did notice... and comment. I dunno....this guy could grow on me. And then where will I be???

Firsts

After visiting a friend recently and witnessing her tastefully decorated table top tree, I became inspired. I decided I should attempt to adopt a little more of the holiday spirit and have a tiny little tree in my tiny little apartment. I have several boxes of Christmas decorations and ornaments. Why not use them? Actually, there are plenty of reasons including, but not limited to, the time it takes to drag all that stuff out, the finding a place to stash all your regular decorations while the Christmas decorations take over the house, keeping a tree watered regularly so it doesn't cause a fire and burn the entire apartment building down, and then packing it all away in three weeks. But all that aside, on my way home from yoga the other day, I stopped into the grocery store and picked up (quite literally) a tiny little cut tree. It took me all of two hours to bring it home, find a container to stuff it into, rifle through my closet and find the boxes of Christmas gear, trim the tree, clean up and sit back to enjoy. It's quite cute. I'm pleased with my little addition. And more importantly, after living with my folks, then off to college and then moving in with my husband, it is my very first Christmas tree as a single person.



Another "first": The other day, #8 called and left a message requesting, if possible, that I keep the coming weekend free so he can take me away somewhere. Away somewhere? A weekend rendezvous. A romantic get away. I have to admit, I was a little impressed. Impressed that he is even thinking of this sort of thing. Impressed that he called in advance and asked politely. I'm still not quite sure what to make of him, but I thought this sounded nice. I haven't been 'away' with a man since my divorce over five years ago.



'Firsts' can be nice, whether they are first Christmas trees, first weekend trips with a new 'lover' (that sounds better than boyfriend to me, but somehow it still doesn't really suit #8) or some other first that makes us feel a little warm and fuzzy inside.

Hmmm...is sexy lingerie in order for this weekend's excursion? It has just occurred to me that I have none. Nada. Zip. Zilch. How is that even possible? That a single 44 year old woman has NO sexy lingerie? Sure, lacy bras and panties...but nothing 'special' in the way of evening wear. It's been so long since I've actually slept with a man, I have whittled my lingerie drawer down to functional cotton boxer shorts and matching tanks. Time to dart out of work early and see what kind of last minute item I can muster up before the weekend commences!

More Christmas Gift Dilema

Aw Crap. It's December 7th. We're in the middle of Hanukkah and ye old Christmas is right down the road. I've pretty much been in denial. Yes, I see the Christmas tree upon the Space Needle outside my windows. I am semi-aware of the phrase "happy holidays" being tossed about by supermarket cashiers and the Fed Ex delivery people at the office. But somehow it's not registering that I actually need to participate in this event. Not only have I not made one Christmas purchase (my previous post aside, I do need to cough up a decent gift for my nieces), nor come up with my homemade gift idea, I haven't even thought about any of this.

In my previous fully-employed-by-well-paying-job, married-without-children life, I would have had the entire house decorated to the hilt including the 'perfect' Christmas tree, a shopping list made, most gifts purchased and the homemades well underway. My 50+ Christmas cards would have been mailed, and at least that many types of cookies would have been baked by now. Our guestroom turned 'gift wrap room' would model a scene from the North Pole.

But no, this new me doesn't seem to operate that way. We are well into the holiday season and my only decorations are a dish towel and a potholder with Saint Nick on them, which I pretty much use all year round due to lack of dish towels and potholders. So does that really count as 'putting out my holiday decorations?' I think not. And what brought all this holiday hoopla to my attention (because, apparently there just aren't enough ads on TV for me to notice) so sharply was the alarming fact that I might have a boyfriend. A boyfriend, who just might expect a little something from his girlfriend. I haven't had a holiday boyfriend in years (Andreas 2003). Uh oh. This is a tricky situation. We have only been dating a little over a month. Once a week type dating. I have absolutely NO IDEA what to present this man with at Christmastime.

We haven't even discussed spending time together at Christmas. He has a daughter and his family is all local. He'll, of course, spend the hols with his people. I, on the other hand, am wide open. But that's a minor detail really...I'm just anxious now about this whole Christmas giving thing. I don't think he'll appreciate my 'gift of charity'. I can't afford to go crazy, of course. He's a skier, but any of that paraphernalia is out my reach. He could stand a new wardrobe, but that is a bit personal at this stage. He doesn't read books (my signature gift), nor does he seem overly into music. I've never met his daughter, so I can't ask her. This is just one more indication of how impossible it is for this man to be labeled my boyfriend! I don't even know him! What do you give a boyfriend you barely know? (I'm actually open to suggestions here.)

Commitmentphobe

He did it again. Number 8. I was telling him about a story where my boss asked where Wedgewood was. Now my boss is, for one, a complete "know it all" and has lived in Seattle for at least 20 years. How can he not know where Wedgewood is? Sure Seattle is full of little neighborhoods - little neighborhood tucked within larger neighborhoods claiming their significant identity. But Wedgewood is one of the "oldies", not some new fangled, trendy neighborhood. So I'm telling this little story to #8, since that is his hood, and he says "you should have told him that's where your boyfriend lives."

I'm like a deer caught in the headlights. I can't speak. I just stare at him astonished. Unable to respond in any way at all.

"Boyfriend?" What is with this boyfriend shit? We'd only seen each other six times at this point. Six times within the last month. That does not constitute boyfriend commitment. A relationship. Coupledom.

I realize I do have a bit of a commitment-phobia. I can't quite commit to one job - one decent paying, satisfying, benefits supplying job. So I work one low paying, full-time job and pet sit, teach English and a Discover U class on the side, spending half my time at work researching other job opportunities.

I can't commit to a residence. I've been in my apartment for a year and a half and most of my wall hangings are either propped up against the walls or in a pile waiting to be framed nicely and hung on the vast bare ecru.

I won't buy a car because that would mean I'd have to commit to a job to pay for the car.

I'd like to return to school and earn a masters, but I can't commit to a program. TESOL? International studies? Cultural development studies? Instead I continue to take one day writing classes at Hugo House because I can't commit to the six or ten week courses!

I am able, however, to commit to my 6 week, without fail, L'oreal hair coloring session... and to my friends. They can count on me. At least where I am committed is worthwhile (I'm talking about the friends, not the hair color. Although that is worthwhile also.)

Sure, while I'd like a boyfriend thingy, of course, it still has to be the right guy, the right time. Six "dates" does not make you a couple. Maybe I'll change my mind after a little longer...like a few months at least.

Rather than to think how lucky I am to have a nice guy who wants to be with me and call me his "girlfriend", I'm thinking of running for the hills. What's wrong with me? (That's rhetorical!)