Commitmentphobe

He did it again. Number 8. I was telling him about a story where my boss asked where Wedgewood was. Now my boss is, for one, a complete "know it all" and has lived in Seattle for at least 20 years. How can he not know where Wedgewood is? Sure Seattle is full of little neighborhoods - little neighborhood tucked within larger neighborhoods claiming their significant identity. But Wedgewood is one of the "oldies", not some new fangled, trendy neighborhood. So I'm telling this little story to #8, since that is his hood, and he says "you should have told him that's where your boyfriend lives."

I'm like a deer caught in the headlights. I can't speak. I just stare at him astonished. Unable to respond in any way at all.

"Boyfriend?" What is with this boyfriend shit? We'd only seen each other six times at this point. Six times within the last month. That does not constitute boyfriend commitment. A relationship. Coupledom.

I realize I do have a bit of a commitment-phobia. I can't quite commit to one job - one decent paying, satisfying, benefits supplying job. So I work one low paying, full-time job and pet sit, teach English and a Discover U class on the side, spending half my time at work researching other job opportunities.

I can't commit to a residence. I've been in my apartment for a year and a half and most of my wall hangings are either propped up against the walls or in a pile waiting to be framed nicely and hung on the vast bare ecru.

I won't buy a car because that would mean I'd have to commit to a job to pay for the car.

I'd like to return to school and earn a masters, but I can't commit to a program. TESOL? International studies? Cultural development studies? Instead I continue to take one day writing classes at Hugo House because I can't commit to the six or ten week courses!

I am able, however, to commit to my 6 week, without fail, L'oreal hair coloring session... and to my friends. They can count on me. At least where I am committed is worthwhile (I'm talking about the friends, not the hair color. Although that is worthwhile also.)

Sure, while I'd like a boyfriend thingy, of course, it still has to be the right guy, the right time. Six "dates" does not make you a couple. Maybe I'll change my mind after a little longer...like a few months at least.

Rather than to think how lucky I am to have a nice guy who wants to be with me and call me his "girlfriend", I'm thinking of running for the hills. What's wrong with me? (That's rhetorical!)