Turn Down the Sex, Please!

A friend recently emailed me making the statement "where did the year go?" while referring to our last get together: a trip to Cabo...in JANUARY! Good question. Where did the year go? And how did I forget to have sex for an entire year? Well 'forget' isn't exactly what happened. It was just a year ago that my last boyfriend thingy (still not sure if 'boyfriend' was an accurate title for this dude) and I broke up. One year ago we were standing on a street corner after brunch on a beautiful autumn Sunday with me saying "I'd rather be alone than in a lonely relationship." He stared back at me blankly. We went our separate ways. Who'd have thunk I'd actually be alone for an entire year? Certainly not me. Not saying I regret my decision that day-a whole year ago. Not in the least. Although I do think of this fella far more often than I care to admit. One friend chastised me saying "you don't quit the job before getting another one first." I disagree. If the job isn't paying, I don't keep showing up to work, regardless of having an office with a sound view.

So I've pretty much become resigned to my situation. I embrace my aloneness with both hands (literally sometimes). I really do enjoy my solitude for the most part. I read a lot. Write tons. Watch silly romantic movies that only a girl can love. Listen to music. Putter endlessly. I go to bed late and wake up late. I go out with the girls, meet friends for coffee, walk miles every day and go to yoga. And date. Occasionally. Very occasionally.

But the shoe is about to drop. I'm about to reach my limit. That final straw is about to break this camel's back! It's my new upstairs neighbors. They are at it nearly every night. The first time I witnessed the sex romp I was caught off guard. I didn't even know what was happening. It had been so long since I was present at such a function I didn't even recognize the sounds. I was sitting at my computer. My television was on. Suddenly I heard an odd noise. I couldn't make it out. Was it coming from my TV? It didn't seem to fit? Oh ... wait....it's ... yes...it's sex noise. Oh Lordy. Why oh why do I need to hear this???

And their sessions always seem to start while I'm watching Sex and the City. How appropriate. Last night during the opening scene I hear the very subtle beginnings of bed springs squeaking...it continued on throughout the entire episode...bang bang bang, squeakin' and squawking, huffin' and puffin'. The moans and the groans. It was a full blown noise making roll in the hay which lasted the entire thirty minutes of Sex and the City and spilled right on into Will and Grace! I was getting tired and sore just listening to them. Shows how out of condition I am. No amount of walking and yoga is going to prepare me for a night like they're having!

I really wanted to pound the ceiling with a broom handle but didn't want to seem the crabby, old, jealous, bitter bitch below who hasn't had sex in a year. And I do remember my 2004 summer in Greece when my live-in boyfriend and I had our little siesta breaks....and how all the little old ladies on our street would eye us as we left our apartment. Yeah, admittedly I've been there. So I tried to focus on the television and forget what I was hearing from above.

Tonight I can hear them wrestling around up there...foreplay I suppose. Hey, at least they aren't fighting. They seem to be quite the 'loving' couple. Blast it all anyway.