In Need of a Shake-Up

I'm starting to think I'm an emotional retard. Unable to feel any emotion for anything other than a great pair of shoes found on the sale rack. What does that mean exactly? I used to be a somewhat passionate person...I think. Actually, I can't remember the last time I got truly jazzed about something - a job, a boy, a vacation? Yes, I do remember and it was over a year ago. I had recently returned from Europe and had oh so many business venture ideas swirling around in my brain. I'd found a great apartment with a view to set up camp for awhile. Something I hadn't had since my divorce. I had just met a fella I thought could be ... well if not "the one" at least someone to share a bit of time with. Life seemed exciting, fresh and new. Lately, it seems nothing much turns my crank.

Currently jobless, the possibilities are seemingly endless, right? There are loads of jobs out there. Friends have been calling me for the past week advising me of job ops I should be thrilled to jump at. Instead, I think "Ho hum. Sure I could do that. I'll look into it. Right after I ...." fill in the blank. Go to yoga. Walk some dogs. Clean out my closet. Drink more coffee. Read a book due back to the library in three days. Priorities, ya know.

I joke about the lack of man action, but seriously there are at least half a dozen guys who, if I'd just give them the friggin' time of day, would be happy to make time for me. There's the Astrology Expert, Father of Three, Donor Dude, Old Friend From the Past (OFP), and Serious George for example. They are all nice and somewhat interesting to chat with, but just provide no romantic 'spark.' And I am pretty certain the feelings are mutual, but men are strange creatures. If I called any one of them, I'm pretty sure I could muster up a date with him. They still sniff around the peripheral, keeping themselves known.

The tricky part is my current unemployed state right now. That doesn't really afford me to date. Unlike dates of yesteryore, men don't pay these days. I feel like I got ripped off somehow. I married my college sweetheart. A date consisted of pizza in the dorm room. Back then, for those out in the real working world, men did pay for dates. During my married bliss, something happened. I'm now out there trying to date and the rules are all caliwampus. Men no longer pay to take women out. What? When did this happen? I never got to enjoy the old fashioned tradition of being picked up and 'taken' on a date. The man pays and then drops you off at your home. And now that I'm out there, the rules have changed ... and not in my favor. Harrumph. I've paid my way with ALL of the above referenced fellas (and, not that I care about their incomes in general, but they do make good salaries, I might add). Granted that whole paying issue gets tricky. If I'm not interested in them romantically, do I really want them to pay? But if I'm a little on the fence with my feelings, them wooing me a bit might help their cause. Or not. Who knows.

Would it be wrong to flat out suggest a more economical date based on my current financial status? A walk in the park, a visit to a gallery opening, coffee and scrabble at a favorite local cafe? The tight budget does limit outings to daytime activities. Not much in the way of cheap evening dating options in the city.

Then begs the question, why call any of these dudes if I'm not interested in them romantically? My one friend keeps telling me not to bother if I'm not considering them as 'boyfriend' material. Why not just go out with my girlfriends who I'm sure to have a good time with? I don't need these guys to be friends with, she claims. I considered this for some time. And actually, I DO need more testosterone in my life. I have loads of gal pals, but I currently do not have enough men friends to hang out with. Men friends can offer a lot of insight and a switch in the conversation. For example, when I'm with my gals, it's always about men. Talking about men, how do we get men, who got the last man, problems with current men. It can get exhausting. If I'm actually sitting across from one, sipping a latte, we're having a conversation about anything but men.

So while I've been contemplating this debate about calling one of these fellas, I got an email from Serious George inviting me to dinner Saturday evening. He told me to choose the restaurant. Well, at least that gives me the opportunity to choose cheap. And although I'm anything but excited about the man, I will get to wear a pair of my sexy 'date' shoes that I'm so fond of. And that's exciting!