21st Century Princess

In the April 2008 edition of SeattleWoman Magazine, Wenda Reed's article "Playing Princess" hit home for me. Reed describes the experience of raising a daughter who loved to dress up and play princess and her struggle, as a professional mother, of balancing the princess persona that Disney and Mattel peddle with her own values of becoming a strong and independent woman.

I, too, grew up playing 'dress up' in the attic with my friends. My mother supplied us with boxes of glamorous old gowns, boas, high heeled shoes and accessories with which we spent hours adorning ourselves. On warm summer afternoons, we'd put on performances for our parents and neighbors in the back yard with lawn furniture for theater seating.

Playing dress up was my favorite 'game' until I discovered Barbie. And then it was all about dressing up her and her friends in stunning, glamorous or trendy outfits.

In our uber-casual and foul-weathered city, it is often difficult to come up with an excuse to get dressed up. But those of us who are 'princesses' deep down, would like to find more opportunities to play the role.

Growing up the youngest and only girl behind a fist full of boys, I was adequately picked on and teased which ultimately made me a stronger woman. Watching my mother in her role as 'stay at home mom/housewife' I knew that was not the role I wanted to play. She would lose herself in historical romance novels night after night and tell me "this is my chance to fantasize about a different life." Yikes. What an impression that made on me! Although I had read a few of her novels, it didn't take long before I became bored of those stories of helpless women being rescued by some guy.

I did whatever I could to not become my mother (although from the looks staring back at me from the mirror, I could be backsliding a bit!). I went to a four-year university and got a B.A. in Communications (journalism). I got a decent paying job so I could look after myself (not in journalism). I chose not to have six children (not even one). And whenever I find myself feeling dissatisfied with some part of my life, I attempt to take steps to change it or find a way to become satisfied while the changes are in motion (because often change does take time).

I do feel like I'm pretty self-sufficient and independent and can stand on my own two feet...even if I am a little wobbly at times and have to ask for help (I just call that being resourceful). I've traveled solo throughout Europe and slept in some funky beds and peed in Turkish toilets. I've spent years remodeling houses, roofing, hanging drywall, painting, excavating, pouring concrete, laying brick and fixing toilets. And underneath the work gloves were always a set of manicured hands. Cause that little girl princess is never too far away.

The other day, in my post Coupling, I mentioned how after an evening at #8's place, he scooted me out of the house at 10.30 at night to walk the four or five blocks to the bus stop and wait alone in the cold. It is not an unsafe neighborhood by any stretch and I was certainly capable of looking after myself and getting home just fine on the bus. But I was bothered by this lack of concern from #8. Or was it a lack of respect? I just couldn't put my finger on it, but it did gnaw at me for several days.

I saw Eight the other night for dinner and I decided I needed to bring this issue to his attention. So when the timing was right and we were relaxed, I told him how I'd been feeling. He was completely shocked. I had caught him entirely off guard. He admitted the thought of walking me to the bus stop never occurred to him. Because I come off so "self-sufficient and independent" he didn't even consider walking me. But after some discussion (and me giving him the same scenario using his daughter for example) he totally got it. He said to me, " I hear what you're saying. Although you are very strong and independent, you would still like to be treated like a woman." EXACTLY.

Actually, I want to be treated like a princess. But being treated like a woman would be a good start.