Feeling a Bit Topsy Turvy

It's become more and more apparent that I need to do a major overhaul this year. This week has been a really bad bus week. My bus karma is definitely out of whack and it's trying to tell me something. I race out of my house (yes, there's one issue right there) with mere minutes to spare, approaching the corner only to have the #15 whiz past me at mock speed. I round the corner and the #18 is right on its heels. Argh. Now it's a 25 minute wait til another one comes along going to Ballard. As I stand in the freezing rain waiting for the next northbound round of buses, I count FIVE buses going downtown. Downtown. The place I should be headed. Not out to Shilshole where my very low paying job is currently located. I miss downtown. I love downtown. There are shops, restaurants, happy hours, the post office, banks and sometimes even men downtown. There are a whole slew of friends I used to meet regularly when I worked downtown who I haven't seen since I started this job out in Timbuktu. I know what you're thinking: If Shilshole is 'Timbuktu' what would I do if I worked on the Eastside...or up in Bothell? You're right, I'd never survive. So the whole issue of a car rears its ugly head again. But I just can't justify the cost on my current income.

My job, although very interesting for the most part, is geographically unappealing, limiting growth-wise, low paying, benefit free and involves a wacky boss. I'm almost on the right track there as far as the overall idea of the job, but it's still not quite right.

The guy I've been dating (#8, Numero Ocho, N.O.) is definitely not on the right track even though I find his company enjoyable a few times a month. That's about where it ends. He's far too conservative for me (read: boring), the sex is already waning (bad sign) and there's really not much of a connection.

The place where I live: I love the location as far as living in Seattle goes. Perfect for a single gal. Walking distance to shops, restaurants, services, downtown and buses. Great view and comfortable space overall. Even the noisy neighbors have been suspiciously quiet. I'm pretty certain after their last episode, they had to have been spoken to by someone. There's no way I'm the only person in the building who was witness to that ruckus!

However, Seattle itself; the rain, the cold, the grey skies, are all getting to me. I realize I am living backwards. Rather than to live in a crap climate for most of the year and take a two week sun vacation (in hopes that I time it just right and actually find the sun), I need to be living in the warm sunny climate for the majority of the year and take a two week ski vacation each winter. Let's face it, as much as I love to ski, I don't get to partake in the sport like I used to anyway. Lack of vehicle and limited funds make it more difficult to get up to the mountains regularly. The snow in the Pacific Northwest, although adding up nicely now, is often not the best when compared to some other parts of the country. I'd be much better off to live in a flip flop environment and take off for two weeks to Banff, Colorado or New Mexico. Ski some places I've never been before.

So I'll need to sit down and do some serious soul searching and brainstorming and see what kinds of resolve I can make to move into the direction that is needed. As Elizabeth Gilbert states in her book "Eat, Pray, Love", how can I ask the greater powers for help and expect an answer when I don't even know what exactly I'm asking for?

I don't expect every aspect of my life to be perfect all at the same time, but at least ONE solidly stable aspect would be a bonus at this point. I still want to wander...just want to be sure I'm wandering along the best path. You know, the one that heads toward the satisfying, well-paying career, love and romance, beautiful abode, adventurous travel and perfect health. HA! Who says I don't know what I'm asking for?