The Joys of Air Travel

How is it possible that I always get stuck sitting near the most annoying passenger on the plane when traveling? I'm not anti-children by any stretch, but if there is a bratty, fussy or screaming child on the plane, he's sitting near me. For example, kids love to play with the meal tray which does nothing but bang and jostle the back of the seat of the person it's attached to. On the first leg of my flight to NY three little tykes sat behind my row while the parents sat together across the aisle from them. How lovely for the parents. They were not affected at all by their child continually flipping the meal tray up and down, up and down for four hours.


Siblings, when sat together in tight quarters for any length of time, e.g. school buses, church, planes, will inevitably begin to bicker, throw punches, taunt one another until tears begin to flow.


The man seated next to me promptly inserted ear plugs the minute he sat down. My own earplugs, I recall, were sitting on my night stand. I noted them as I did one last sweep through of my apartment before heading out to the airport. I believe that was one of those warning signs. One I unfortunately ignored. I hate when I do that! I was eyeing my neighbor's earplugs envious of his quiet, kid-free snooze as my own back was getting a workout. Apparently, the child behind him wasn't so intrigued by the meal tray.


On the final leg to JFK we were no sooner in the air when my seat back began to shift and bounce again. Okay, I've had just about enough of these kids messing around back there. I turn with a glare.


"Sorry," says a man with a thick Long Island accent. "I can't get this tray to stay up."


Ooops, not an obnoxious child at all. However, he turned out to be an obnoxious adult, his loud, booming voice in my ear the entire trip.


My return trip involved a woman who thinks the world revolves around her. I first notice this woman when she stood at the gate agent's desk arguing for twenty minutes about how she must have her seat changed so she could sit with her daughter (a minor). The agent politely and patiently explained numerous times that the flight was full. There was nothing she could do to change her seat. The woman was not going to give up.


"Well, you're going to have to get creative!" barks the woman. "Isn't there something in first class?" You've got to be kidding me. By now all passengers waiting at the gate are listening to her rant. Again, the agent explains there is nothing to be done.


While boarding the plane, I'm standing behind a man and his daughter. Suddenly I hear the woman's voice from behind the line somewhere. "Ely, do you have my bag?" she says. He reports that he does. "Ely, do you have my lunch?" Again, he says he does. So Ely is apparently this woman's husband, i.e. the minor daughter's father! To listen to this woman hounding the gate agent you'd have thought her daughter was being separated from her mom to sit alone with strangers. NO she is sitting next to her dad! After a few shouts back and forth, I suggested the woman move up next to her family in line so she could get her bag and her lunch.


As it turned out the woman is seated in the row behind me (of course she is). And her daughter and husband are in the last row...within shouting distance, however. Several times throughout the flight I hear her calling back to Ely for one thing or another. Several times she climbs over the middle and aisle passengers, because of course she had to have the window seat, so she can go back and talk to Ely. All the while she repeats to everyone around her "I'm sorry, my daughter is back there and we couldn't get seated together. Yeah, yeah, so we've all heard.


At this point I'm ready to stand up and scream at this woman, and I'm sure I'm not alone here,
" Why don't you just trade seats with Ely?"

And for the record, the guy in front of me was so fidgety my tray table was going bonkers the entire trip. Oh the joys of air travel.