Just A Bit-O-History

So I thought I'd just give a brief rundown on how I ended up here...wander woman and all... I mean, I'd never really wandered before, at least not that I recall. I'm the 'steady eddie' kind of gal. Dependable. Responsible. Level Headed.

I met my first husband (I like to refer to him as my 'first' husband even though there hasn't been a second, nor is any second anywhere in sight. I'm pretty sure, eventually, there will be a second. Surely there will be....someday...I think...) when I was a sophomore in college. Waaaay too young to be meeting husbands. I was nineteen for heaven sakes. I was pretty adamant about not getting married. Nope that was not me. Not going down that road yet. No ma'am. I'm waiting til I'm at least 30 to get married. Well, if only I took my own advice.

Anyway, we got married at 24...a good solid courtship later. I developed into quite the married lady. My husband was a chef at heart. Not his trade, but it should have been. He loved to cook, to watch cooking shows, explore with food, grow a garden, a fruit orchard...you name it. And he was great at it. He taught me everything I know about cooking (sorry, mom, it's true!). We entertained guests at our home frequently. I not only cooked, hosted fabulous parties and baked pies from rubarb and apples from our yard, I excavated soil, planned and formed patios (yes plural), poured concrete, even MIXED the concrete. Put up drywall, tiled, bricked, roofed, painted, gardened, mowed and chopped and stacked wood. My husband had a workshop and I had a 'craft' shop to do ceramics and dried flower arrangements. I sewed my own curtains and stenciled the walls. I was a regular Martha Stewart groupie. My husband and I watched and 'studied' all the home shows. Oh, domestic doesn't even begin to decribe my old life.

Then, one day, I suddenly realized "wait just a cotton pickin minute here. What happened to ME? What happened to the life I thought I was going to live?" I realized, as many women do in their mid to late thirties (sometimes earlier, sometimes later) I forgot about ME. About what I want? I forgot who I was and became someone I was molded into. It was subtle. I didn't even know it was happening. But there I was ... staring at a pile of gravel that had been delivered to the house thinking "what am I doing? This gravel money could be a weekend get-a-way." I was tired of spending my weekends 'enhancing' our home. Our home was lovely. Not a blade of grass out of place. I was living in the guilded cage. It was finally time to fly.

Of course it wasn't as simple as all that, but you get the gist. So I gave all that up...all the glamour (and security) of homeownership, the praise received for making pies that tasted just like my mother-in-law's (the ultimate goal apparently), the unsatifying job and constant stress. I gave it up to go teach and travel abroad. And that I did. It was a thrilling time. Entering into the unknown. Living out of a suitcase. Forging through language barriers and other challenges that traveling as a solo woman would bring.

Now I'm back in the states. I rent an apartment in the city. I bus everywhere. I am working as a temp...wandering from job to job. I am a pet nanny wandering from pet to pet...from neighborhood to neighborhood.... from home to home...a different bed every month.

Do I miss my old lifestyle? Not exactly. I tried baking bread last year when I unpacked my things from storage and found a bread pan. It came out over AND undercooked at the same time. What the &*$??? I was the master of pumpkin bread! What happened? It seems that in my effort to find my old pre-married self, I somehow lost my culinary abilities in the divorce along with the house, the nicer car and the silverware. I now eat standing over the kitchen sink. I have one plant in my house that was given to me and I am a bit skeptical of my ability to keep it alive. I've lived in my apt for over a year now and have artwork that still hasn't been hung. I wasn't planning on staying this long. I was sure I'd have wandered off by now. Maybe it's time to incorporate a blend of wander woman and that other person. Just a bit-o-balance.