Final Quarter 2008

It's been FOUR months. Oh you know what I'm talking about. Umm-hmm- four months since....well...woopie. Yeah, I'm starting to get irritable, developing a nervous tick and my vibrator battery is wearing out. No prospects in the pipeline either.



Last month my brother from California was on a motorcycle tour through the Pacific Northwest and blew into town. We met for lunch and he had a Kiwi from New Zealand in tow. Nice touch. They had intended to have a visit over lunch and jet out to meet up with the rest of their group in Longview. Lunch turned into a mini city tour, which then led to a couple of pitchers of beer. Finally, they needed to either head out to meet their group or give in, continue drinking and stay the night at mine. Once they learned of the bar's pending Karaoke night soon to start, there was no question. My brother claimed he wasn't much into Karaoke until he was properly lubricated. At which time (approximately four beers) you couldn't pry the mic from his paws. So I offered up my sofa and sleeping bag for the two of them if they wanted to crash.



It was a fun night of singing...eh hem...er, wailing into the mic at top decibel and making proper fools of ourselves, dancing and- um- a bit-o-smooching. I'm not sure if the Kiwi was exactly my type or if it was just the four-months-sans-sex looming in that dialog bubble over my drunken head that made me a little, shall we say, frisky.



Back at the ranch at three a.m., I tucked my brother and his friend into their sacks and I proceeded to hit the hay in my own comfy down filled bed. Suddenly in the middle of my passed out state I felt someone giving me pecks on the lips as the Kiwi slithered into my room-- doon doon do- chaka chuck coo (hear Yello's "Oh Yeah" from Secret of My Success here). Yikes- a sexual opportunity I couldn't exactly buy into! My brother was in the next room. Adjoining walls. THIN adjoining walls in a very old apartment. Naw...I just couldn't. Oh, we slept together...but nothing much happened. It was too awkward. And possibly unfortunate. As I look back on the situation later, sober. I wonder, "Was that it? Was that my last chance for sex (safe, nice man sex) for 2008?" It's a valid question (concern). We're now well into fourth quarter.

People are obsessed with the state of the economy and I just don't understand. Economy? How can I possibly worry about the economy when my sexual activity portfolio is looking so grim? We're certain to snap out of this poor economic state. History has proven there will be a turn around. I'm confident my economic portfolio will bounce back. However, my body isn't going to just bounce back. Each day my boobs move south another smidgen, I develop another wrinkle and I realize another saggy this or droopy that. It ain't good. I know the economy will take some time to recover. I just hope my sex life sees improvement while I still enjoy getting naked.

I know I'm not alone here. No one has much sympathy for my drought. In talking with my friends, there is an inordinate number of single, very sexual, over 40 year old women in this town not getting laid on a regular basis. No wonder this city has a reputation of having the highest suicide rate.