Do These Pants Make Me Look Fat?

Women have been asking this type of question for years. We'll stand in front of a full-length mirror turning and twisting to get a good view of the behind and finally walk out into the living room where our significant other or roommate is plopped on the sofa noshing on Doritos and ask "Do these [insert offending clothing item here] make me look fat?" If the person chowing on the sofa knows what's good for her/him, the answer will always be "not at all!"

A [wise] woman eventually learns that if she has to even ask the question, the answer is most definitely "yes"! At a certain age, we become pretty clear about what does and does not look good on our figure. There is no point in trying to get buy in from a second or even third party.

I'm noticing more and more that the men in my world are becoming equally concerned with their figures, eerr, I mean physiques. A prior boss of mine was so obsessed with getting back to his high school weight it was disturbing. What guys actually looked good at age 17? They are generally scrawny legged creatures with weird facial hair and pimples. Even the "jocks" didn't look all that great. I was recently at a restaurant sitting near a table full of Homecoming goers and noticed the contrast between the girls and boys. The girls all looked about 22, made up and gorgeous, while the boys looked like, well, little boys. It takes a few more years for boys to fill out and start looking good in their jeans. So a 44 year old man, who was not overweight in the first place, striving to reach his high school weight was just a little creepy.

The other day a co-worker, after busting the rear seam out of a pair of trousers, went out shopping for some replacements. He was showing me his new pants and explained how he bought the same size as his old ones, yes, the ones in which he split the seams. He realized once he got them home that they were slightly snug. He was disgusted that he was 12lbs heavier and these pants were a bit tight. His dilemma? Should he go buy the larger size with the idea that he'll just have them taken in when he loses the 12lbs? Or should he keep the snug ones and get working out harder to lose the 12lbs quickly? Then he realized the holidays are creeping up on us and already there has been an abundance of treats lurking around every corner of the office.

First of all, I'm looking at this rather slender guy wondering where the heck would he lose 12lbs from? I felt like I was listening to some of the women in my life blathering on about losing weight they don't need to lose. I was basically of no help as I pointed him in the direction of the Macadamia Nut Chocolates brought back from Hawaii by another co-worker and walked away.

Finally, there is the case of a certain Mr. Wonderful I happen to be dating. Grant it, we have commiserated together on occasion about the need to increase our exercise regime and decrease our eating out regime. However, to listen to him talk you'd think he was enormous. He has referred to himself as the Pillsbury Dough Boy, Tubby McChubberson and some other fictional character I can't even remember, but who is rather on the large side. Okay, my man is not fat! Not even close. So you can only imagine my own horror at what his idea of fat is as I take stock in what's going on with my own trousers.

While I can appreciate these men looking after themselves and can certainly relate to their concerns, I'm not sure I find it soothing to hear men sounding like we women have been sounding for years. There is a theory that when women look into the mirror we see all our flaws, wrinkles, bulging tummies and saddle bags galore, while men look in the mirror and see studs, no matter what is actually staring back at them. I guess it is nice to know that not all men are so arrogant and full of an uncanny sense of unwarranted self confidence. Maybe we are a bit more alike than we realize.