Anti-Age Weapons: Scalpel, Spackle or Scissors

As I sat looking around the room at the faces of my mostly older-than-me book club members a few weeks ago, I realized NONE of them had the deep forehead creases I possess. I tried not to let it bother me, as I listened to the conversation focused on the coloring of one woman’s grey locks. I tried to defend her decision to cling to her grey strands. “Keep your grey; it’s you,” I proclaimed. No one was listening. The others suggested, go darker, get highlights, get low lights. “I just want some texture,” she said pulling her hair up on end.

I am not sure if our society has become more and more obsessed with anti-aging, but this obsession is beginning at an earlier age. Women in their 20’s are getting “work done”.

Admittedly, I struggle with the idea of cosmetic surgery, not with the idea of actually having anything done, because I couldn't afford it regardless. But I do struggle with whether I think it’s a good idea or not. Would I have something done if I could, in fact, afford it?

Part of me says, no way. Why can’t we just age gracefully? There is nothing weirder or more unnatural than the 70 year old woman who has a taut expressionless face from an overdose of Botox. We’ve all seen this person. She starts out small, just a little touch up around the eye, then maybe a little more the next time she goes in for servicing. Eventually, she looks like she is always walking into a surprise party. It’s startling. I find it difficult to hold a serious conversation with someone who looks like she is in a constant state of shock or surprise because of cosmetic surgery O.D. The animated facial expressions are lost and it feels like I’m talking to a puppet.

Furthermore, I tend to want to inspect them more closely to figure out what the heck is going on. One woman I knew was pulled so tight from a face lift, her hairline was all out of whack. Her lower lip had so much collagen, she appeared to have difficulty speaking. I found this distracting to our conversation.

Grant it, we often find ourselves talking with people who have had strokes, burns, or other disfiguring life events and I don’t find myself quite so distracted. But the former made conscious choices to alter their appearances. It’s difficult not to stare a bit in wonder, whether it was a job well done or a hack job.

My dental hygienist had visited Buenos Aires, Argentina last spring. Apparently, the medical system there pays for one cosmetic surgery per person per year and they take advantage of that benefit. “That is a city full of beautiful people,” she told me. Everyone definitely checks each other out openly inspecting what work they’ve had done. Not a place for a self-conscious person who isn’t comfortable in her own skin to visit. My very naturel dental hygienist, however, is quite comfortable in her skin.

Besides the cash, some factors to consider before having something done to my face would be the recovery time, the risk of looking worse than I started out, and the possible addiction. I’m pretty sure if I had a little zap eliminating the forehead creases, I would decide I needed a touch up around the eyes. Then the mouth would be next. Before I knew it, I’d be that “tight faced” woman everyone gossips about.

As far as what people should or should not do with their looks is certainly up to them and what makes them feel good. It seems no one comes out of those procedures saying “Oh, heavens, I really over did it, didn’t I?”

I’d probably stay away from hacking away at my face, but if I were truly going to do something, I might consider some other parts of my body. But only if I had the cash, the time, the patience, and a significantly high rate of success were guaranteed.

As far as the money it costs for these procedures, I could probably pool all the dough I’ve spent on cosmetics and creams and have enough for a little Botox and change left over. The amount of products I tend to use as I age has increased substantially.

I’ve gone from a cleanser, toner, and moisturizer to those three, plus night cream, hydrating mask, brightener, eye cream, pore eliminator (spackle for wrinkles), foundation primer, tinted moisturizer, SPF creams, highlighters, powders, and concealers. All this before the actual makeup even hits the canvas! What used to take me five minutes in front of the mirror, now takes 20. Maybe a shot of Botox on the forehead wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

My wrinkles are the product of my over active facial expressions and storytelling, as well as age, genetics, sun damage and other environmental factors. I know I won’t actually go through with any permanent or semi-permanent cosmetic alterations (just yet). Maybe I will just cut some bangs.

Thoughtful Words From Jobs

After news of Steve Jobs’ death last week, several articles, emails, past interviews and social media updates hit the network. One such inspiring email crossed my path, a YouTube video of Jobs giving a graduation speech to the class of 2005 Stanford graduates.

In his speech Jobs advises his young eager audience, “You’ve got to find what you love…keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”

These are easy words to live by at a young age, before mortgage payments, marriage, car loans, children and other life expenses start building up and you are forced to do what you don’t so much love, but it pays the bills. Depressing, I know; however, it’s true for many of us. I went to school to write; I studied journalism. When I graduated from college and started looking for jobs in my field, I was beaten down not having enough experience. I landed a “high paying” job in the insurance industry and there I stayed, for far too many years. Sure I was able to afford a new car, home, go on vacations, and buy nice clothes, but I was unsatisfied.

Finding your life’s purpose sounds like some kind of spiritual woo woo spouted by people like Gandhi or Mother Theresa. Nice idea but completely impractical in our western society.

Jobs’ words “don’t settle” continue to rattle around in my brain. As we all hear these words with regard to finding a life partner, they also apply to finding your life’s work. Especially, since we will most likely work longer than we will stay with the same partner.

I left the insurance industry (as well as my long-time mismatched partner) for nine years while I went abroad to teach English, travel, practice my writing, try out various odd jobs and consider business ideas. I toyed with the idea of returning to school, but either I or others would talk myself out of that venture. Too expensive. Too much work. Too difficult at my ripe old age. Not necessary. All these voices steered me away from what I actually wanted to do. Instead, with growing debt from so much “under”-employment, and a rising rent, I plunked myself right back into my old job at the insurance factory. Financially, it was a smart move, but I was once again unsatisfied. I knew this was not my life’s purpose and felt I had “settled”.

Jobs knew what I was going through. “Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

I followed my heart once, chucking it all nine years ago and trekking off to Europe for an unknown adventure. It worked out well. I had an amazing experience, one I will never forget. Nor will I ever regret it. That’s the thing about following one’s heart; no one ever dies saying they wished they’d never followed their heart or intuition.

My heart craves teaching, traveling and writing. I have started on my path to ensure I can do these things and earn a living in the process. How I will achieve those goals, how I will pay for my venture, what others might think of my choices, all secondary.