The Stages of Dating

After many years of first dates and some followed up with second dates, along with a few one night stands, I am finally in a serious relationship. I've had non-serious relationships, i.e. Number Eight, the New Number Eight, and the fireman, but those were just "guys I dated", not real relationships.

Just as 'they' said it would happen, my current man came from out of nowhere, was my friend first and quickly got under my skin. Once we got past the second date and became a "couple", it was evident that there are many stages of dating that I'd either forgotten about, or never experienced since I got married so young in the first place.

There's the first sleepover stage. Where do I put my stuff without intruding on his domain? With the excitement of the first night together, comes also some anxiety about the possibility of any of those embarrassing moments that could occur during the actual sleeping portion of the program. Luckily, my guy has two bathrooms, so I promptly took over the guest bathroom to avoid invasion of his master bath. I did my best to be tidy and neat with my personal affects, but at one point he used that bathroom and came out making a comment about "Camp Wander Woman". I've stayed at his house several times by now, and even though he has cleaned out drawer space in his master bathroom, I still head to the guest bathroom with my overnight pack and set up "Camp WW".

There's the first time you blurt out the "L" word stage. That's a biggie. Does the other person feel the same way? How many times have you had to bite your tongue to avoid saying it too soon, or at the wrong moment? Each person is dancing around the phrase very careful not to scare the other away in the early days of this relationship.

Soon comes the first vacation together stage. After only spending a few weekends together, can your relationship withstand an entire vacation together? I've known friends to go away on a first romantic week long trip only to come home no longer a couple. It happens. It can be eye-opening. Maybe he yells when you try to navigate the rental car, maybe he wears really bad swim trunks, or maybe he totally changes his colors when faced with challenges of traveling in a different culture. Who knows what it might be that puts you over the edge and you realize you just can't date this person any longer. Personally, I can't think of anything worse than being on a romantic holiday with the wrong person. Fortunately, my guy and I passed our first week-long vacation together with flying colors and can't wait for more travel opportunities.

Months go by and so do several other stages. The meeting of the family, the sixth month anniversary, the first fight (which we have yet to experience, but surely it must come?).

And inevitably, comes the moving in together stage. This stage is very different from couple to couple. Some couples want to co-habitate within a few months of dating, some take years to decide to go down that road. Some couples don't see eye to eye on that topic and each person has a different idea of when that should or will occur.

One friend of mine has been working on her boyfriend to move in with her for several months now. He is moving at a "glacial" pace as she puts it. I can understand his resistance a bit. Although he loves her, he's been alone forever and is used to his space. I've been alone for nine years and I'm quite used to my space.

Another friend lived with her prior boyfriend for nearly 20 years. She has been with her current man for almost five years and they do not live together. Their relationship is quite serious and they are definitely committed to one another. They just don't happen to feel the need to live together, full-time, under the same roof. This woman said something very profound. "Living together deepens the relationship, but not living together keeps it fresh, new and exciting." Both very good points.

My guy is living in his house up in Snohomish County- the great white north as he calls it. It would be convenient to have him live closer and in town. It would simplify our logistical challenges when working out our weekend plans. However, selling a house in this market is the bigger challenge. A few mentions of "consolidating" have come up during his recent searches for places in town and I've basically reacted like a deer in the headlights.

Realizing that may not have been the reaction he was going for, I did assure him I could see us living together someday. Just what day that will be is still unknown.

At the moment, we're approaching the "longest relationship I've been in since my marriage" stage. Let's just go with one stage at a time, shall we?