Such a Dude

A friend and I were commiserating over the whole Valentine's Day issue. Worse than facing this "Sweetheart's Day" without a sweetheart (which it absolutely OK, by the way) is when you are in the very early not-sure-where-this-is-headed stages of dating.


New Year's Eve was closing in and we both agreed we'd better not start getting involved with anyone just yet. We needed to avoid the obligatory New Year's Eve dates with virtual strangers. For me Christmas, New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day are dog eared for truly special loved ones. Leave Fourth of July, St. Patty's Day and Halloween for the newly dating. They are somewhat special, but still casual holidays to share with those you're still getting to know better.

My friend and I have both started dating men fairly recently, not exclusively and it's definitely early stages. She called me the other day, "Where's the "safe" Valentine's card, one that says I sort of hope to be a friend you dig without saying so much it scares him off?" I agree, or the one that says, "I think I might dig you, but I'm still getting to know you, so don't go scaring me off"? Which is the one I'm looking for.


The cards out there are either too mushy geared toward the newly in love. They focus on the old married couple and make jokes about annoying habits and sagging whatevers. Or they engage in inappropriate crude sex jokes. None fit our situation. I suggested a card that is blank inside, then she can write her own message. I don't think that went over too well. Heck, I bill myself as a writer and I don't want to necessarily go down that road either.


The dude I'm seeing slightly more than any other guy I'm also seeing is getting a bit ahead of himself as far as I'm concerned. He did ask in an awkward high schoolish sort of way if he could be my "go to" guy. What does that even mean? Go to when I have a leaky toilet that needs fixing? Go to when I have a problem to hash out? Go to for sex? We haven't even had a proper kiss yet. How can he ask me to be his "go to" guy? I hung up baffled after that conversation.

Thursday he sent me a dozen red roses. Now most women would swoon over such a gesture. Even as I'm unwrapping my FTD box I'm thinking "Please don't be red roses". Oh, red roses are, of course, stunning. But they also show a complete lack of creativity and imagination, especially this time of year. Red roses in July (for, say, my birthday) totally spontaneous. Red roses at Valentine's equals no thought whatsoever went into this gift. I relayed this story to another friend who quite accurately said, "You're such a dude."


She is correct. I possess an inordinate amount of testosterone for such a girly girl. I keep my hair on the longer side and wavy, paint my nails, splurge on pedicures, wear flowy skirts and strappy sandals as soon as the weather permits. I'm a fuss budget about having my bed made up, wear lots of jewelry, flowery fabrics and pink. I love pink! But when it comes to men, I think I have more testosterone than they do in many ways. Sometimes they can be so needy.


The message that accompanied these (yes, very beautiful) roses made my heart race slightly, and not in the fluttering pitter patter good way either. It was more of a minor panic. If my feelings matched his, I'd find the gesture romantic and heartwarming. This man is on hyper-drive, while I'm still in first gear pulling out of the driveway, unsure yet which road to take and where it'll lead. Getting to know someone slowly over time works best for me when considering an actual relationship (as opposed to the occasional fling I've been known to indulge in). He's already jammed it into 5th gear and is speeding down the highway of love. Slow down, dude, I can barely breathe and the scenery is flashing by in a blur! I tried to express myself to this man, but he tells me he is "smitten".


Okay, I just said how I wasn't smitten in a prior post and here he is saying he is smitten. Clearly we are on different pages of our book. In response to that post my cousin graciously supplied us with the definitions of "smitten" :

1. struck with a hard blow
2. grievously or disastrously stricken or afflicted
3. enamored, infatuated, taken; very much in love.


Enamored or disastrously stricken? I'm somewhere in the middle.


Back to the card, how am I ever going to find one that expresses just how I feel? I might just present him with a red velvet cupcake. That just says I care enough to have thought of you, but not enough to express any actual emotions just yet. A dude move for sure!