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Recently the gossip mongers at work have decided the statute on keeping secrets among themselves has run. Last week a co-worker in town on business from Minnesota said to me, "I heard a rumor about you." Hmmm...this is curious. A rumor about moi? When I inquired what said rumor was, she told me she'd heard that Mr. Wonderful and I had been dating. I confirmed that was no rumor and, yes, we've been dating for a year now. She seemed surprised that it'd been that long and she had just heard this fact from some third source. We're nothing if not discreet. Okay, as anyone who's been around us can attest, we are not exactly discreet.

Yesterday another co-worker in Golden, Colorado sent me an Instant Message saying "I heard you have a boyfriend. Anyone I know..." She could skip being coy. I knew she already knew because our co-worker, Fun Bobby, had told her months ago.

My boss asked me last week if we were still dating. I told her we were and she confided that she had told her boss. At this point, I'm nearly expecting to be standing in the checkout line at Safeway and catch a glimpse of the front cover of "Insurance Weekly" showing Mr. Wonderful and I together outside Insurance World. The headline "It's true. They've been seen holding hands!" I'll be wearing those large sunglasses that cover my entire head and Mr. W. will be turning away from the camera. The lens will most definitely capture some extremely unflattering angle that accentuates my all too curvaceous figure in a negative light. Mr. Wonderful will, undoubtedly, look hot and all the girls reading the rag will ask "what is he doing with her?"

Young couples often have to suffer through the marriage question from friends and family at every event and holiday function. They want to know where this relationship is going. They are getting attached to the partner and need to know how invested they should be. It's always a drag when a good friend breaks up with a girlfriend or boyfriend everyone liked. "What happened?" they ask. "Will you remain friends?" their eyebrows furrow in disbelief.

For the slightly older set who may have been married once or twice before, the question of matrimony isn't as pressing as the question of moving in together. Although a few friends and co-workers have asked about marriage (one being the Golden co-worker who said she wanted to "be there" when it happened), the move in is on the forefront of their minds.

After a business meeting with Mr. Wonderful one morning, a co-worker was suddenly standing in front of my desk. "Mr. W. mentioned he was moving to Seattle and I just had to come down and find out if you two were moving in together," she said trying to appear nonchalant.

"Why didn't you just ask him?" I said.

"I didn't want to pry." This she said with a straight face.

Last Sunday I was helping Mr. W. move a few things into his new pad, a condo about a mile from my apartment. He is renting from the cutest elderly Norwegian couple who have been married 57 years! While moving some boxes into his place, we met one of the owners of another unit. Introductions were made, niceties exchanged as we clarified which one of us was moving in and which one of us was not.

"Oh, not yet anyway," the neighbor said smiling at me. "That's an awfully big two bedroom unit!"

"Not big enough," I countered.

At this point, I'm just happy my guy will soon be living in the same zip code.

Baby steps.

Farewell to July

Although summer has been late in coming this year, for me July was the month of a few more miles on my motorcycle, little get-a-ways, and my birthday celebration (which I seem to continue celebrating on into August!).

My Mr. Wonderful Boyfriend, planned a surprise birthday trip for me. The only thing I knew for sure was that it was a four day trip since he asked if I could take a couple days off from work. I love surprises, so asked him to keep it that way for as long as possible. As my birthday approached, he began giving me little hints and clues, i.e. you can access this place via the
"Chrysopylae", and it is home of the PEZ Museum and the Antique Slot Machine Museum. I knew none of these clues and promised not to Google, so was left in the dark. A few days before our departure he gave me the weather forecast, which did give me some ideas, but I wasn't 100% certain. The afternoon before our departure, he handed me an envelope. Written across the front it said "Do Not Open Until 10 o'clock Tonight!"

I spent the rest of the day holding the envelope up to the light and the windows, trying to pick up any clues. I could have packed my cosmetics at least, but instead puttered around my apartment, when the phone rang at eight oh oh. While he was packing his owned bag, he realized I couldn't even pack since I didn't know what I was packing for and decided 10.00 p.m. was too late since he was picking me up at 7.00 a.m. the next morning. Whew. That was considerate of him! I opened the envelope with him on the phone and inside was my boarding pass to San Francisco. Now this will sound odd, but this Wander Woman who's been as far afield as Turkey and Vietnam and as far south as Peru, who lived in Europe for over three years and traveled quite a bit of the U.S., had never been to San Francisco. I'd always wanted to go, but I'd just never "gotten around to it".

I was thrilled. It was a great surprise (even if I was starting to suspect it based on some of the clues) and Mr. W outdid himself with the full gift. We stayed at a wonderful and very romantic hotel in the Financial District. The weather was exceptional, as it was here in Seattle as well that particular weekend, and we had a marvelous trip.

We walked all over that beautiful city, exploring, sightseeing, and eating fabulous foods. Upon arrival, we checked into the hotel, dropped our bags in the room (with an amazing view), and headed out to see the sights. We first headed down to the Ferry Building for an outdoor, lovely, yet overpriced, lunch on the promenade. From there we headed up to China Town and wandered the streets and poked in the shops until we reached Russian Hill filled with Italian restaurants, shops and the famous Stinking Rose. We continued on to Washington Square in North Beach and headed over to Coit Tower to climb the stairs and take in the views. Luckily we are walkers because by now we'd covered a fair distance. But the day was not over. From Coit Tower we hoofed it to the famous crooked street of Lombard and climbed up to the top watching the cars inch their way around the hairpin turns that make the street so unique and popular.

From there we walked back down to Union Square via Nob Hill for some dinner and shopping. By this time, the afternoon sun had sunk, the evening breeze picked up and my cardigan was not quite sufficient in the chilly San Francisco air. I wasn't prepared for the temperature drop.

The next day I left the hotel room more prepared and stowed my jacket in Mr. W's day pack! We headed down to the famous Blue Bottle for a delicious mocha made with local Tcho chocolate. It really was worth the half hour wait in line! We wandered through the local farmers market filled with colorful organic and locally grown produce, then boarded the boat to Sausalito where we passed by the historical Alcatraz and took pictures of the stunning city scape behind us. Sausalito is a charming little town filled with quaint shops, restaurants, cafes and art galleries. Once back in San Francisco, we walked along the waterfront to Fisherman's Wharf, had a snack of crab cake and chowder in a sourdough bread bowl (I had no idea that sourdough was so famous there!), then we hiked up to Ghirardelli Square for a sampling of chocolate. Just a 'sampling'.

We had dinner reservations at a wonderful restaurant, "Perbaco", for my special birthday meal. I dined in succulent seared sea scallops and beets and a creamy carrot soup starter. Mr. W indulged in the devil's gulch rabbit. After dinner, we returned to the hotel to undo our belt buckles and lay ourselves out on top of our fluffy white duvet to recover. Romance ensued, but I'll leave it at that.

Sunday greeted us with another gorgeous day with the fog burning off mid-morning and the sun shining in full force. We made our way down to the Golden Gate Park where after walking through the rose garden, we came upon a bicycle rental shop. We chose to rent the bicycle built for two! Neither of us had experienced that before and we were excited to give it a try. It always looks so romantic and sweet in those old classic movies you see. That's the beauty of Mr. W., he's up for anything! We rode all around the park taking in the Conservatory of Flowers, walking through the Japanese Tea Gardens, riding past the de Young Museum and Academy of Sciences, and cruising all the way down to the beach where we strolled the shore and did some toe dipping. Okay, I did some toe dipping while Mr. W. took photos.

After returning our bicycle (once we finally found our way back to the rental place), which did prove be charming, fun and romantic, we walked over to Haight Ashbury and wandered the streets and quirky shops. We found a great lunch spot and then stopped in at the original Ben and Jerry's ice cream shop for a cone. It's a bit like coming to Seattle and visiting the original Starbucks at Pike Place Market. It just has to be done.

After our cones, we headed on to see the Painted Ladies. The sun was sinking low and we were afraid we'd missed our opportunity for some good photos with the sky line behind these Victorian homes, but once we arrived, the lighting was perfect and the views were spectacular.

We continued to Pacific Heights to view more incredible homes and daydream a bit in this fantastic city. I wish I had taken my pedometer as I'm sure we put on a million miles by this time. Luckily I brought a couple different walking shoes so I could swap from day to day.

Day four brought us to the home stretch. After checking out of our luxurious room and storing our luggage at the hotel, we walked just a few blocks and bused down to the Presidio National Park to walk along the Crissy Field path to the Golden Gate Bridge. It was a beautiful walk along the water with the bridge in the back ground. We climbed the many steps up to the bridge and walked across, taking photos, kissing along the way, getting honked at by cars for smooching, ate our Ghirardelli chocolate and had a wonderful time. Realizing our time was short, we picked up the pace and returned to the other side in time to catch a bus back into the center of town to finally ride a cable car and have a relaxing last lunch at the Hog Island Oyster Co.

July certainly has been a great month, even if the weather has been disappointing in Seattle. I've enjoyed some great motorcycle rides, took a trip to Port Townsend with the girls for a puffin seeking cruise, sat on the lawn at the Woodland Park Zoo and listened to the Indigo Girls on a surprisingly sunny mid-week evening, had this amazing trip to San Francisco that was perfect in every way, was treated to wonderful birthday dinners by dear friends and received many warm wishes, gifts, balloons, flowers and love from everyone in my life. Overall, I now realize summer isn't only about the weather.

Looking forward, however, to a sunny, summer-like August!

The Stages of Dating

After many years of first dates and some followed up with second dates, along with a few one night stands, I am finally in a serious relationship. I've had non-serious relationships, i.e. Number Eight, the New Number Eight, and the fireman, but those were just "guys I dated", not real relationships.

Just as 'they' said it would happen, my current man came from out of nowhere, was my friend first and quickly got under my skin. Once we got past the second date and became a "couple", it was evident that there are many stages of dating that I'd either forgotten about, or never experienced since I got married so young in the first place.

There's the first sleepover stage. Where do I put my stuff without intruding on his domain? With the excitement of the first night together, comes also some anxiety about the possibility of any of those embarrassing moments that could occur during the actual sleeping portion of the program. Luckily, my guy has two bathrooms, so I promptly took over the guest bathroom to avoid invasion of his master bath. I did my best to be tidy and neat with my personal affects, but at one point he used that bathroom and came out making a comment about "Camp Wander Woman". I've stayed at his house several times by now, and even though he has cleaned out drawer space in his master bathroom, I still head to the guest bathroom with my overnight pack and set up "Camp WW".

There's the first time you blurt out the "L" word stage. That's a biggie. Does the other person feel the same way? How many times have you had to bite your tongue to avoid saying it too soon, or at the wrong moment? Each person is dancing around the phrase very careful not to scare the other away in the early days of this relationship.

Soon comes the first vacation together stage. After only spending a few weekends together, can your relationship withstand an entire vacation together? I've known friends to go away on a first romantic week long trip only to come home no longer a couple. It happens. It can be eye-opening. Maybe he yells when you try to navigate the rental car, maybe he wears really bad swim trunks, or maybe he totally changes his colors when faced with challenges of traveling in a different culture. Who knows what it might be that puts you over the edge and you realize you just can't date this person any longer. Personally, I can't think of anything worse than being on a romantic holiday with the wrong person. Fortunately, my guy and I passed our first week-long vacation together with flying colors and can't wait for more travel opportunities.

Months go by and so do several other stages. The meeting of the family, the sixth month anniversary, the first fight (which we have yet to experience, but surely it must come?).

And inevitably, comes the moving in together stage. This stage is very different from couple to couple. Some couples want to co-habitate within a few months of dating, some take years to decide to go down that road. Some couples don't see eye to eye on that topic and each person has a different idea of when that should or will occur.

One friend of mine has been working on her boyfriend to move in with her for several months now. He is moving at a "glacial" pace as she puts it. I can understand his resistance a bit. Although he loves her, he's been alone forever and is used to his space. I've been alone for nine years and I'm quite used to my space.

Another friend lived with her prior boyfriend for nearly 20 years. She has been with her current man for almost five years and they do not live together. Their relationship is quite serious and they are definitely committed to one another. They just don't happen to feel the need to live together, full-time, under the same roof. This woman said something very profound. "Living together deepens the relationship, but not living together keeps it fresh, new and exciting." Both very good points.

My guy is living in his house up in Snohomish County- the great white north as he calls it. It would be convenient to have him live closer and in town. It would simplify our logistical challenges when working out our weekend plans. However, selling a house in this market is the bigger challenge. A few mentions of "consolidating" have come up during his recent searches for places in town and I've basically reacted like a deer in the headlights.

Realizing that may not have been the reaction he was going for, I did assure him I could see us living together someday. Just what day that will be is still unknown.

At the moment, we're approaching the "longest relationship I've been in since my marriage" stage. Let's just go with one stage at a time, shall we?

The Not-So-Reality TV

How can people watch that Bachelorette show and take it seriously? Or even find it entertaining as far as that goes? Where's the challenge? Where's the entertainment? You take an already beautiful, young woman, who has a successful career and wants to be married and have a family, make her even more beautiful with designer clothes, professional hair and makeup, introduce her to a dozen (or more?) successful, handsome men who also want to be married and have a family, and see who she picks. Sure each week there is some drama between the contestants vying for her attention. Sure there's the dramatic rose ceremony where she boots out the ones with whom she feels there is no "chemistry." All the while the music is escalating, the drums rolling, and with each presentation of the rose, there are sighs of relief. You'd think something real was hanging in the balance. And don't tell me these people have feelings that are "real" at this point. They just met for crying out loud.

I sound like I know far too much about this show to criticize. I come home from work tired and hungry. Prop my legs up with a big salad and grab my remote. One round of clicking, I discover there is nothing on, but I land on The Bachelorette and like a bad car accident, I can't turn away.

During the commercials I leave the room to change out of my work clothes and get so sidetracked, I forget I'm even watching TV. When I return to my living room I realize I've missed some drama. The Bachelorette is crying about something. What did I miss? I'm annoyed that I'm even watching this show at all, then I'm annoyed that I missed something, and then I'm annoyed that I'm even annoyed about missing some staged drama.

And that Bachelorette seems to always be crying about something. Whenever they show the clips of what happened last week, she is crying. She is crying this week. And then they show clips of next week's episode and she's crying. Okay, ya big baby, you're dating loads of gorgeous boys, in beautiful settings and money is no object. Stop your belly aching.


In my constant effort to come up with new and interesting (and lucrative) reality TV shows, I've got a far better idea. How about taking a middle aged, average looking woman, who lacks a proper career (anyone you might know?), doctor her up to look fabulous on TV (this feat may actually require a doctor), and without revealing to the men (handsome, successful, interesting ones, of course) her lack of career, assets or financial security, see how hard they compete for her hand. That sounds way more fun.

The End of an Era

Or is it 'the end of an error?' Both the job and the guy were the wrong match and I knew that from the beginning of both relationships. Ironically enough I started each within just a few days of each other (new job October 21, met #8 Oct 27) and they've both ended within a few days of each other. I gave my notice at work on July 7 and #8 called and left me a "Dear Jane" voice message on July 11. 

I do believe in the theory that when one door closes another opens. So I'm leaving mine unlocked to make it a little easier. I also don't actually believe that either situation was an "error."  Maybe they both dragged out a bit longer than they should have. I clung on, for whatever reason,  a tad too long in both scenarios. But each brought a certain degree of satisfaction, some level of reward for a little while at least. If nothing else, they each provided stories to entertain my friends with. 

Starting again with a clean slate and I'm so ready! I'm feeling a little worse for wear at the moment as ending any kind of relationship leaves me reflective and  my last few weeks at the job are going to be full, hectic and stressful. But when I'm done, I'll take a short vacation to visit my cousins in Colorado, reconnect with family and come back to Seattle to take on the world...or become a barista. 

I have enough in my meager savings to pay two months rent or buy a used scooter on craigslist. Hmmm, which will I do?

 

Another Very Sexy Date

After a couple weeks in hiding, #8 called me yesterday morning to ask me out for that evening. A little last minute, but as it happened, I was free and it seemed like a good idea, so said yes. THEN he tells me that he is dieting and will be drinking water and eating like a bird all night. Sounds like a blast. If there is anything worse than a woman fretting about her weight and constantly parading her diets in front of everyone on nights out, it's a man openly fretting about his weight and dieting on a date. Not that I shouldn't be watching my cals and alcoholic intake, but I would be discreet about it when on a date. Guys don't like to hear a woman droning on about her needing to lose five pounds or how fat she thinks she is. Well, women don't want to hear that crap from men either. To top it off, #8 is not even fat. He's actually a bit on the puny side as far as I'm concerned. If the guy actually loses any of this imaginary fat he's talking about, I won't be able to find him in a crowded room. 

After our meal of salads and water (actually, I splurged and got an iced tea with a touch of the pink stuff a.k.a. sweet 'n low) we took a walk around Green Lake. It was a gorgeous evening. A perfect way to enjoy the weather (yea! I haven't been bitchy for two and a half days now!) and get a little exercise. Then we went to The Sitting Room,  my favorite neighborhood bar, where I enjoyed a glass of red wine and Eight drank water and nibbled on some olives.  

Today he invited me to go on a motorbike ride with him. He suggested a trip to Chateau St Michelle Winery for a tour and tasting, then on to Snoqualmie Falls for a hike down the trail and a little picnic. Once I figured out what to wear for this Triple-Decker date...motorcycle riding (jeans and boots?), wine tasting (cute skirt and strappy sandals?) and hike (shorts and walking shoes?) it turned out to be a wonderful day.  I opted for the cropped cargo pant, urban sneakers and cute t-shirt. 

The winery was beautiful today. We took the tour, browsed the shop and enjoyed a few tastings. Then we headed on out toward Duvall and Fall City, passing farmlands, fields and lush green forests,  grabbed a sandwich and hiked down the trail from Snoqualmie Falls and had our picnic. The falls were the most raging and overflowing either of us had ever seen. Our heavy snowfall this past winter is providing quite the scenic wonder.  

It was a great day of riding on the back of 8's bike, the warm weather allowing us to travel in just our shirtsleeves, a bit of exercise and romance. And a lot of 'two wheeler waving.' Really nice time with old #8. Another one of his very sexy dates that he comes up with every so often. So what's going on with us, you may ask? Nothing. We date a couple times a month and that's it. It seems to be working for both of us. Friday night he began to sleep over, but then left in the middle of the night because he couldn't sleep and I was completely fine with it. Sure, I felt bad that he wasn't able to sleep, but I wasn't sleeping that well myself. Once he left, I washed my face, put on something comfortable to sleep in, ate a cookie and went to bed. Slept like a baby. And most likely snored up a storm without waking up feeling bad about it. 

I might be doomed to forever sleeping alone. But maybe that's just fine. Until I find the guy I really want to share my bed with for the entire night, I'm okay with the 3 a.m. exit. Before meeting up for our 'sexy date' on Saturday, I was able to wake up at my leisure, sip my coffee out on my balcony and enjoy the morning at my pace. One of my most favorite past-times. 

Getting the Ax?

The whole relationship stuff is a puzzler that's for sure. Although I find #8 great in so many ways, I also know he's not right for me, and I am quite certain he feels the same. As a matter of fact I could be getting the brush off this very minute. We went out Sunday for dinner and that's all it was: dinner. No smoochin', no sex, nothing. He picked me up down in front of my building. We walked to dinner down the road, he walked me back and dumped me off in front of my building saying he had a super early morning meeting. Huh? It was a like a scene from Sex and the City. I was a bit baffled. We hadn't seen each other for over a week. I was sporting a very low cut top...to which he responded by saying at the restaurant the reason I was cold was that I wearing too little and should have on a sweater. WTF? He also gave me the rundown of his very busy schedule over the next MONTH. And I got the impression that I pretty much would not be seeing him until March, if ever again.

After my three flight climb up to my apt (yes it took that long to register in my thick skull) I wondered if his sudden busy life was code for "I don't want to see you anymore" and he was just being a chickenshit and not telling me that. I stewed over it for about 15 minutes and decided I just couldn't stew anymore. I needed to know for sure. So I dialed. He said that was not the case, he was truly busy and just felt bad because he was so busy. Apparently, in his past relationships it was the women who were too busy to spend time with him. Relationship? So he is still calling this thing we are doing, this thing I see as casual dating, as a relationship? I told him to just call when he could and he said he would. I haven't heard a peep since. Okay, so it was only Sunday, but he couldn't manage an email? The guy works in an office-in front of a computer-an email takes about 10 nanoseconds. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I could be getting 86ed. Thing is, even though I say he isn't my type or 'the one', I am enjoying dating the guy! I am (was) enjoying the great sex! I am not ready to pass him on yet. And furthermore, I don't want to be the dumpee AGAIN. I am forever the dumpee. Other than my ex-husband, I've always been the one dumped. I suppose that is one reason I married my husband in the first place. He was the first guy who didn't actually dump me. Que sera sera. Can't control how people feel. Will just carry on. Besides....I think he really is just busy :)