Bring on the Chef

Since my divorce nine years ago, I've been on a cooking sabbatical. First it was a trip to Europe that lasted nearly three and a half years. While I had access to kitchens or at least kitchenettes, I really couldn't say what I did was considered "cooking". I simply prepared food or ate out. Living abroad it was fun to find the local haunts and introduce my pallet to new flavors. That was part of the adventure of living in Europe and I wanted to experience as much as possible. I had no idea how long I'd be living there and wanted to take full advantage of every aspect of the new and different cultures I was embracing. Okay, the reality was I was newly single and preferred to eat out or fix simple foods in my tiny apartment to cooking for myself.

In Prague I met some great young friends who had larger apartments and found cooking and entertaining fun, exciting and rewarding. They would often invite me over for dinner and I'd sport a bottle of wine and do the clean up as my contribution to the event. Before they got to know me, it was suggested that I should cook for them. I think they assumed since I was older and had been married before, I would be good at it. I explained that I was on sabbatical. My wine and clean up services seemed to suffice.

The longer I stayed living abroad, The Czech Republic, Portugal, Greece, Turkey, the more used to not cooking I became. My first year in Lisbon, I shared an apartment with a Japanese girl who was studying to be a sushi chef. She love trying out new recipes on me and I loved being the guinea pig. One of my friends from Prague lived next door and she continued her routine of culinary exploration and had me over for meals regularly. She would tell me she bought too much of something and we absolutely "had" to eat it up so it wouldn't spoil. Who was I to argue?

The second winter there, I rented a room from a local woman who was a caterer. She would often leave leftovers on my night table or in the frig with a note for me. Wow. I could have really gotten used to that!

Upon returning to the States and securing my little one bedroom apartment with the intention of nesting for awhile, I planned on taking up cooking once again. However, my apartment is conveniently located near loads of cafes, restaurants and pubs which all have affordable and tasty cuisine. Happy Hours in Seattle proved to be economical and a great way to catch up with friends or meet new people. My tiny kitchenette was difficult to really make anything too involved and most of the fancier kitchen gadgets got lost in the divorce. There would be no Thanksgiving diners hosted at my place. Furthermore, I discovered that after taking so many years off from cooking, I was no longer any good at it. My ex-husband was really the executive chef in our house and I was more of a prep cook. I could hold my own back then, but somewhere between signing the divorce papers and traipsing off to far off lands, I'd lost my culinary abilities. Recently, a 92 year old woman I was chatting with at a friend's birthday party stated she was no longer a good cook because she got out of practice. I could relate. Maybe I'll get a second wind and start cooking again before I'm 92.

There are many good reasons to cook at home.

1. It's healthier than eating out. At least one would hope. You can select the ingredients, the healthy options and recipes vs. a chef who uses whole milk or creams, full fat everything, and loads of sugar and salt.

2. You save money. Unless you only shop at the gourmet grocer and buy locally grown organic foods farmed in soil irrigated and conditioned by home grown, hand fed earth worms, groceries are typically cheaper than eating out. Also, you must actually eat the groceries you buy. If you let them sit unattended for days on end while you continue to eat out, the fruit flies devouring your fruit and the veggies in your frig turning to mush, you won't actually save money.

3. You eat smaller portions. Provided you eat your one serving and put the remainder in a Tupperware for lunch or dinner the next day, rather than pick at it while cleaning up the kitchen until there isn't enough left over for a second meal, you will eat less overall.

4. It's a great date. Cooking together can be an aphrodisiac. What is more romantic than sharing the kitchen, each having a task, sauteing, stirring and tasting and then finally sitting down at a beautifully set table for a delicious meal, wine, music and candles and enjoying food prepared together? It really is a great way to be together, talk, laugh, and smooch throughout the process.

5. Like a great date, it's also a great social activity. Having friends over to share in preparing food is affordable and fun. You can chat and catch up while cooking, never getting interrupted by the waitress who always seems to turn up right at the punch line of your story. Cleanup is a group effort and you have the entire evening to linger over wine without being rushed out the door because someone is waiting for your table.

6. No bread basket. Except for certain occasions or specific meals, I do not buy bread regularly. I absolutely love bread, however, but I'd eat far too much of it if it were in the house. The bread basket at the restaurant is my weak spot. I can decline dessert, but I cannot pull away from the bread basket.

While there are many cases for cooking at home, there are cases for not cooking.

1. It is often cheaper to eat out solo. For example, a recipe calls for 1/4 teaspoon of red pepper flakes. I buy an entire jar of red pepper flakes for $3.99. I'd have to cook a lot of recipes using red pepper flakes to get my money's worth. Since I don't even have them on hand, that means I haven't cooked anything calling for red pepper flakes in five years. Chances are those flakes will expire before I ever get through the jar. I can go to the Thai place around the corner and buy one dish that will turn into three meals for just a bit over twice that amount with a lot less hassle.

2. Unplanned schedules. While I can try to plan meals for the week and purchase groceries in advance, it never fails that something comes up to throw me off my schedule. Suddenly, I'm not home for a few nights to eat the food I've purchased and it starts to spoil. I hate tossing out moldy or over ripe food.

3. Not what I want to do on every date. While cooking together can be a great date, if we do it every night we're together it becomes mundane and tedious. To be honest I'd rather be on the sofa cuddling than in the kitchen chopping carrots.

4. Too many leftovers. While it's great to cook a full recipe and have leftovers, by the third or fourth meal, I'm sick of it. No matter how great it tasted on days one and two, it's just awful by day three. Freezing doesn't work for me. It becomes freezer burnt. Cutting the recipe in half doesn't seem like it's worth the bother.

5. Cooking from scratch is time consuming. If it takes longer than 30 minutes to prepare, cook, eat and clean up, it's too much time. After all day in the office, I do not find spending a couple hours in the kitchen the least bit relaxing. By the time I walk home, unpack my tote, change my clothes, go through my mail, prepare the food, cook the food, eat the food, fish out those little Tupperware containers for leftovers, and clean up the kitchen, it's nine or ten o'clock at night. Where did the evening go?

6. I really do not enjoy cooking. If I could choose a maid service, a chauffeur, a personal chef or a personal trainer, I'd choose the chef every time.


So whatever happened to my culinary friend from Prague? She returned to her home in San Diego, went back to school, got married and started her own business. She also hired a personal chef. She loves it.

Clearing the Clutter

It's about this time of year clearing the clutter becomes a major focus for many of us. Spring cleaning ensues as the days become longer and the setting sun through our window brings attention to the blinds that haven't been dusted properly for several months. It's the time for detoxing the body of impurities, as well as the time for detoxing our closets, drawers and garages of the unwanted stuff we've been collecting all winter (or longer). Yard sales become more prevalent. Spring editions of my favorite magazines publish articles on clearing the clutter, reorganizing your space, donating gently used items to charitable organizations.

I'm no different. Something about that spring equinox gives me a spurt of energy and enthusiasm for purging. I've gone through closets, kitchen cupboards, desk drawers and the space under my bed until a pile of shopping bags were stacked in Dr. Seuss fashion against a wall in my living room awaiting the charity truck's arrival. There is no excuse not to get rid of unwanted or unused stuff when someone will come by and pick it up for you. My one bedroom apartment easily begins to bust at the seams if purging isn't done on a regular basis.

I sound so insensitive and unattached as I talk about chucking out the old and relieving some sorely needed closet space. Until...yes, until I'm forced to admit one thing. More than being ashamed, I'm actually rather baffled by this fact. I still have 24 years after the wedding and 9 years after the divorce, my wedding gown. Why do I still have this absurd thing in my possession? I have no idea. It's still in it's "preserved" wedding gown box- the kind where you can see the bodice through a window in the front of it.

One friend commented in horror when I confessed, "You live in a one bedroom apartment! Where are you storing this thing?" Yes, this is my own reaction. Believe me. There is just something keeping me from pushing this (rather large) box out onto the curb along with all my other discarded crap for a strange truck to come by and load up like a piece of garbage. I don't really know why. No one in my family is ever going to want to wear the thing. I got married in 1987. That says it all.

As I began confessing to other friends, also divorced, I learned I am not alone. One friend has the gown from her first wedding still hanging in her closet. That garment has been hanging there for the duration of two marriages and witnessed two divorces. But there is something that prevents her from hauling it away. My brother's ex-wife who I'm very close to still has hers a couple years after her divorce in hopes that one of her daughters might want it. It's funny that we somehow hold more value on the dress than the guys we wore it for. I haven't seen or spoken to my ex-husband for nine years, but I've got this dress staring at me every time I open my coat closet.

If that's not enough, my boyfriend has his ex-wife's gown in his closet! When she moved out, he asked her if she was going to take that with her. "Nope" was all she said.

The dress doesn't represent anything significant for me except a lot of money spent on something I'll never wear again. I did like it. It was special at the time, but I certainly don't keep it for sentimental reasons. I requested the divorce. There is no emotional clutter to clear out. I'm not carrying around some old baggage of deep seeded sorrow and pain. No way. So why can't I seem to part with the dress? I'd like to do something that makes me feel better somehow. Something that makes me feel like it was worth the cost and effort.

My ex-sister-in-law said she went to St. Vincent De Paul recently and saw a wedding gown hanging in the window. Her immediate thought was "Eee Gads, that thing is gaudy!" Then she wondered if that is the reaction her own nearly 20 year old dress would bring.

Another friend bought a used wedding gown off Craigslist last year at Halloween. She proceeded to cut it up, soil it, and apply fake blood for her corpse bride costume. I just can't accept that possible fate for my own lovely gown.

I began soliciting ideas for these old 80's-90's wedding gowns. Donating them is an option, but upon further research it seemed that most of the brides in need would prefer something a little more, ummm, modern. The particular era we're talking about here doesn't make them "vintage" quite yet either.

One friend suggested a tea party where we all wear our gowns. That would be a fantastic idea if I had half a chance of fitting into the thing. I was 118 lbs on my wedding day. Three pounds more than my goal weight at the time and several pounds less than my goal weight today. Yeah, that's not happening. But I'm guessing there would be a few others in the same predicament.

Another suggestion included donating it to the Children's Theater or any other theater group in town. My wedding dress in a play! That sounds better than it morphing into a corpse bride costume.

I thought a charity function of a sort could be fun. A Drag Queen Bridal Fashion Show with money raised going to some worthy cause. Finding small sized drag queens could pose a challenge, but I'm sure it's possible in this town.

At any rate, the Center for the Blind came by yesterday and picked up my eight or ten bags of goods. Not only my wedding gown, but also my mother's wedding gown (which is at least vintage-circa 1947) are still in the closet hogging up prime real estate. Suggestions are welcomed.

The Not-So-Reality TV

How can people watch that Bachelorette show and take it seriously? Or even find it entertaining as far as that goes? Where's the challenge? Where's the entertainment? You take an already beautiful, young woman, who has a successful career and wants to be married and have a family, make her even more beautiful with designer clothes, professional hair and makeup, introduce her to a dozen (or more?) successful, handsome men who also want to be married and have a family, and see who she picks. Sure each week there is some drama between the contestants vying for her attention. Sure there's the dramatic rose ceremony where she boots out the ones with whom she feels there is no "chemistry." All the while the music is escalating, the drums rolling, and with each presentation of the rose, there are sighs of relief. You'd think something real was hanging in the balance. And don't tell me these people have feelings that are "real" at this point. They just met for crying out loud.

I sound like I know far too much about this show to criticize. I come home from work tired and hungry. Prop my legs up with a big salad and grab my remote. One round of clicking, I discover there is nothing on, but I land on The Bachelorette and like a bad car accident, I can't turn away.

During the commercials I leave the room to change out of my work clothes and get so sidetracked, I forget I'm even watching TV. When I return to my living room I realize I've missed some drama. The Bachelorette is crying about something. What did I miss? I'm annoyed that I'm even watching this show at all, then I'm annoyed that I missed something, and then I'm annoyed that I'm even annoyed about missing some staged drama.

And that Bachelorette seems to always be crying about something. Whenever they show the clips of what happened last week, she is crying. She is crying this week. And then they show clips of next week's episode and she's crying. Okay, ya big baby, you're dating loads of gorgeous boys, in beautiful settings and money is no object. Stop your belly aching.


In my constant effort to come up with new and interesting (and lucrative) reality TV shows, I've got a far better idea. How about taking a middle aged, average looking woman, who lacks a proper career (anyone you might know?), doctor her up to look fabulous on TV (this feat may actually require a doctor), and without revealing to the men (handsome, successful, interesting ones, of course) her lack of career, assets or financial security, see how hard they compete for her hand. That sounds way more fun.

Marketing to Women 101

Frock sales at the old Bridal Barn have slowed down considerably. We're in that season in between seasons. The majority of the brides getting married this summer or fall have already purchased their gowns and those with 2010 dates aren't quite ready to buy. We are working on the "pebbles and sand" sales as my boss likes to call them. You know, those little sales that are suppose to add up, i.e. veils, slips, shoes, bustiers and tiaras. Tiaras. Now there's a purchase every girl needs to make. Matter of a fact, we should bring the tiara back and just wear them around town with our street clothes. Wouldn't that make us all feel like princesses? Personally, I think my head was made for a tiara. Ask any of my five brothers and I'm sure they would agree.

In an effort to boost sales for the meager number of brides-to-be that do walk through our doors, I thought I'd do some research on what makes people, i.e. women, buy.

My boss advised me to always ask three personal questions about themselves. I do!

1. What kind of work do you do? (Gives me ideas about my own possible career change and network in the process.)
2. Where did you meet your fiance? (Gives me some ideas about where to meet men in this town!)
3. Where are you going on your honeymoon? (Also, gives me some ideas about where to plan my next vacation when I find myself, yet again, between jobs and needing to "get away from it all.")

During my internet search on marketing to women I found dozens of books available on the subject, but none that would just give me the answers I was looking for with a few clicks of my fingers. I'd have to actually march down to the book store and peruse the aisles and do the research. I just really don't have that kind of time. I keep searching.

I find out realtors use tricks like the smell of home baked cookies, a coat of fresh paint, and bouquets of flowers to make a home feel warm and cozy and a potential buyer eager to make an offer. The scent most appealing to men is, apparently, vanilla, so you'll find a hint of vanilla fragrance in many perfumes and lotions on the market today.

I learn some of the most marketable gifts for Valentine's Day are champagne, chocolate and flowers. Unfortunately, we don't have a liquor license down at the Frock Shop, but the other two are options. So last Saturday on my way to work, I picked up a bouquet of soft pink tulips (there is some positive mumbo jumbo with the color pink, but I can't remember now what it is) and chocolates (dark chocolate - it's a health food nowadays) placed in a pretty candy dish my mother left me.

What was the outcome? Well, within my last four days at work I sold one wedding gown, one pair of shoes, the flowers are now wilted and the chocolates are gone.

I read somewhere that techniques such as building trust and rapport, telling personal, yet positive stories, and creating a connection might also work. Sure, they'll work. Over a glass of champagne.

Women's Must Do's

Every so often you run across a list of things every woman should wear at least once, e.g. the little black dress, a lacy thong, stilettos, or things every woman should own - a power drill, a wine opener and a Roth IRA. Recently, a friend gave me one of those little gift books with a list of things every woman should do at least once. The contents included:

• Call in sick and spend the day shopping with your best friend. (I did this once, but my friend and I went to the water park. It was a blast and well worth the pile of work on my desk the next day!)
• Rent a convertible and go wherever the wind blows (another friend and I drove her boyfriend's Mustang convertible to the beach every day one summer while he was working in Alaska. Oh we got the boys' attention in that thing!).
• Dance on top of a bar (luckily I was in another country so no one I know here has any recollection of this sorry scene).
• Run, walk, bike, for a worthy cause (after the MS 150 I have barely ridden my bike since--and I was 29).
• Invent an interesting past (I'm working on that every day).

Some things that weren't included in the book that I think are worth adding:

1. Travel solo
Extended trip abroad or a weekend at the coast, going solo is a great experience every woman should explore. The trip is all about you. You can clear your head, reflect about your past, your future dreams, or just not think at all. You do what you want to do, when you want to do it. You also meet far more interesting people when you're on your own. It's so liberating, you may decide solo is the only way to go.

2. Visit every state in the Union
Having a layover in an airport doesn't count. I've got about 9 or 10 left to visit myself, topping the list New Mexico and Wyoming, along with a bunch of what I'd deem as the boring states- Kansas, Arkansas, Kentucky, Missouri, Ohio. I'm pretty sure the residents of these states would set me straight and prove me wrong. I'll get to them eventually and see for myself.

3. Visit a foreign country
Although Canada and Mexico do count, try to venture further afield. Delve into a culture you aren't familiar with, one you've always been intrigued by or head back to the land of your ancestors to connect with your roots.

4. Learn a foreign language
Gives you a chance to embrace that other culture and prepares you for #3.

5. Attempt something daring
This is subjective as what is daring for some (that lacy thong) might be commonplace for another. So whether it's an adventure sport like bungee jumping, sky diving or heli-skiing, or something risky in a softer way like performing Karaoke, getting a Brazilian wax or making the first move and asking that hot guy out, take the dare and go for it. There's nothing more exhilarating than proving something to yourself.