Women's Must Do's

Every so often you run across a list of things every woman should wear at least once, e.g. the little black dress, a lacy thong, stilettos, or things every woman should own - a power drill, a wine opener and a Roth IRA. Recently, a friend gave me one of those little gift books with a list of things every woman should do at least once. The contents included:

• Call in sick and spend the day shopping with your best friend. (I did this once, but my friend and I went to the water park. It was a blast and well worth the pile of work on my desk the next day!)
• Rent a convertible and go wherever the wind blows (another friend and I drove her boyfriend's Mustang convertible to the beach every day one summer while he was working in Alaska. Oh we got the boys' attention in that thing!).
• Dance on top of a bar (luckily I was in another country so no one I know here has any recollection of this sorry scene).
• Run, walk, bike, for a worthy cause (after the MS 150 I have barely ridden my bike since--and I was 29).
• Invent an interesting past (I'm working on that every day).

Some things that weren't included in the book that I think are worth adding:

1. Travel solo
Extended trip abroad or a weekend at the coast, going solo is a great experience every woman should explore. The trip is all about you. You can clear your head, reflect about your past, your future dreams, or just not think at all. You do what you want to do, when you want to do it. You also meet far more interesting people when you're on your own. It's so liberating, you may decide solo is the only way to go.

2. Visit every state in the Union
Having a layover in an airport doesn't count. I've got about 9 or 10 left to visit myself, topping the list New Mexico and Wyoming, along with a bunch of what I'd deem as the boring states- Kansas, Arkansas, Kentucky, Missouri, Ohio. I'm pretty sure the residents of these states would set me straight and prove me wrong. I'll get to them eventually and see for myself.

3. Visit a foreign country
Although Canada and Mexico do count, try to venture further afield. Delve into a culture you aren't familiar with, one you've always been intrigued by or head back to the land of your ancestors to connect with your roots.

4. Learn a foreign language
Gives you a chance to embrace that other culture and prepares you for #3.

5. Attempt something daring
This is subjective as what is daring for some (that lacy thong) might be commonplace for another. So whether it's an adventure sport like bungee jumping, sky diving or heli-skiing, or something risky in a softer way like performing Karaoke, getting a Brazilian wax or making the first move and asking that hot guy out, take the dare and go for it. There's nothing more exhilarating than proving something to yourself.

Reflections on a Fine Autumn Day

Autumn has always been my favorite season. As a kid growing up in upstate New York (the second largest apple growing state) I'd look forward to the sunny crispness in the air, donning a sweater and our family apple picking outings. It was a major event which included a tailgate picnic and a visit to the local cider mill before returning home with several bushels of yummy McIntosh, Red Romes and Empires.

Our front yard was graced with a grand Maple that shed its colorful leaves in abundance. Much to my brothers' chagrin during the lawn mowing season, our lawn was large and slightly sloped. This made for great leaf jumping contests after raking the dry, crunchy leaves into enormous piles.

As a kid I didn't appreciate all my mom's slaving over baking apple dishes, 'putting up' apple sauce and the squash-based meals. Today these are my favorite delights of the season. When the coffee shops come out with "pumpkin spiced lattes", I'm in latte heaven! Last night, my culinary expert friend cooked me a wonderful meal that included a fabulous homemade butternut squash soup. Mmmm. I'm trying to figure out how I can convince her to cook for me every night!

Autumn is always a nostalgic time for me and this September/October have been no different. The season always reminds me of fresh starts, new beginnings, i.e. pencils, notebooks, new classes, school clothes, and endless possibilities. Maybe that's the reason for my going back to school obsession.

As I enter into the next phase of my life (I seem to be doing this as often as the seasons change) I am encouraged by the possibilities that lie ahead. Anything is possible once the possibility is created.

So here's to fall, which has been pretty amazing this year in Seattle, and to endless possibilities. And as for nostalgia, don't even get me started on Halloween!

Head in the Sand Economic Advice

I'm not exactly known for being "in the know" when it comes to pop culture or news breaking current events. I'm still rather amazed that I witnessed the twin towers disaster as it was happening. How was I even up at that hour, with the TV on no less, watching news? What a toxic thing to start your day with...or end it for that matter. News. This is so not the me of today, that's for sure.

That being said, I have been pretty engrossed in the election process this go 'round. I was out of the country last time and look what happened! I did have an absentee ballot, but I wasn't really "involved" otherwise. And as much as I try to keep my head in the sand, this whole drowning economy discussion is everywhere I turn. I'm one of those people who feels that continually talking about a bad thing doesn't make it better. It makes is 'badder.'

I happened to catch Suze Orman, the financial guru, on Oprah the other day and her top five suggestions for action during this crisis are as follows (I've summarized in my own words of course):

1. Don't Panic (do not become "mattress man"), leave your money alone and keep investing in your retirement plans
2. Be sure you have health insurance and term life insurance
3. Make sure your investments are in safe places i.e. government backed treasury bills, bonds and notes and treasury money market accounts for example
4. Make sure your financial institutions are FDIC insured
5. Stop spending on things you cannot afford (duh-easier said than done for most)

Not having held a proper job since August 2002, I feel like I've been practicing for this day. For the last six years I've nearly mastered the ability to survive in exactly this type of economy. Of course I have credit card debt. I'd love to say I didn't. I didn't until I stepped my big toe back onto American soil. It's almost as if they stamped my passport as I re-entered JFK customs and handed me plastic with debt already on it just to get me started and make me feel welcomed back to my homeland.

Over the past six years I have actually learned to live without a lot of the luxuries I had been accustom to while slogging away at my decent paying soul sucking insurance job. Things like a nice car (or any car for that matter), a house, ski condo, water front recreational property, expensive, yet fabulous, hair cuts with artful color jobs, new skis every three years, boots, and a variety of other expensive sporting equipment, home improvement expenditures, and pretty much whatever else the heart desired. We (my ex-husband and I) were not wealthy by any stretch. But we did OK and although didn't live as extravagantly as some of our more affluent friends, we had our share of luxuries.

Today I manage to ski on 9 (?) year old skis (gasp!) and boots even older. I would love a new setup, but it's not going to stop me from skiing when I have the chance. My golf clubs were my mother's from the early 80's! Yeah, I get poked fun at every time I break them out on the course, but how much do I care? A little. Sure. But if I get to golf at all, I'm pretty excited, so the relic clubs aren't going to stop me.

So here are my top 5 practical ways to get through this economic recession:

1. Don't panic. I like that one of Suze's best. Just calm down, people. This was bound to happen at the rate we were spending, but it's going to turn around. It always does eventually.

2. Don't even open your financial statements if it's going to stress you out. Just put them through the shredder immediately from the mailbox. Then follow with a nice glass of red or a long walk (or both).

3. Find cheap entertainment. I keep harping on this fact, but there is so much to do in this town that is free or cheap, i.e. galleries, free museum days, art walks, park walks, free wine tastings, free musical performances, the library (okay, I hear you sighing). Check out what's happening and go enjoy it.

4. If you absolutely must shop cause it's in your blood and you just can't stand not to, develop the knack for thrift stores. Even if you don't find anything, the entire process is amusing in and of itself and there's your cheap/free entertainment for a rainy day. By the way, I just picked up a cute pair of Kenneth Cole shoes for $3.99 at Goodwill. How could I say 'no?'

5. Participate in some do gooder volunteer activity. Okay, so you're not the volunteering type. You don't have time. You'd just rather not. You've got your own problems. Then just do some favor for a friend with no strings attached. It really does put everything into perspective and make you feel like all isn't lost. Cause it isn't. We've still got our humanity, right?

tips 6-10 include:

6. Practice yoga (or just exercise in general)
7. Book a trip - preferably out of the country (yes, run away from it all)
8. Take on several odd jobs- you'll be too busy to worry or spend money
9. If it's available to you, have sex. Lots of sex. (this is not available to me, so I will do more of #8)
10. Laugh often

Help Yourself to Some Self-Help

Just back from a five day get-a-way in San Diego. What, exactly, I was getting away from is a good question. The grind of job seeking? Not really. The hectic daily life of mid-day yoga followed by power walks in the autumn sunshine? No. Walking dogs around beautiful Green Lake? Nope- no need to get away from that. My life-style these past few weeks has suited me well, I think. At the request of my former (insane) boss, I worked for him on a two day project last week. I was quickly reminded of why I don't work for him any longer. Decision to quit confirmed a good one(if this situation occurs again, I'll need an intervention from my friends and loved ones).

No, I wasn't really getting away from anything, just off to enjoy the southern California beaches and catch up with my friends down there while I was unemployed and free to travel. I mean, I hadn't been anywhere since, ummm, August. Early August.

As I sat down at my computer today to catch up on emails and take a look at some employment websites, I paused and noticed the stack of books on my shelf. I've got every sort of self-help book imaginable. Not the sort that lonely single people delve into: "Alone Again and Learning to Love It," "Finding Your Soul Mate," or "Will Ever I Love Again?" No, not those kinds of self-help. My stack is of the 'finding your career' nature, which is very similar to the former actually. As I've mentioned in past posts, the similarities between a happy career and a happy relationship are uncanny.

From my distant past life I've got "The Greatest Salesman in the World" by Og Mandino, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey, "Life Makeovers" by Cheryl Richardson and Barbara J. Winter's "Making a Living Without a Job." I'd read them all cover to cover.

Since my return to the states two years ago, I've acquired "Go Put Your Strengths to Work" by Marcus Buckingham, "Life is Short-Wear Your Party Pants" by Loretta LaRoche, and let's not forget "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne (I also saw the video!).

I've got my fair share of writing self-help books as well: "Bird by Bird" Anne Lamott, "Your Writing Coach" Jurgen Wolff, "How to Get Happily Published" Judith Applebaum and I've completed Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way" twice!

Recently, a friend just shoved into my hands "What Should I Do With My Life" Po Bronson and "Do What You Are" Paul D. Tieger & Barbara Barron-Tieger. "You've got to read these," she insisted. They are still sitting on my dining room table. There is only so much of this stuff a person can absorb in a given period (or lifetime).

Furthermore, another friend involved with Landmark Education ("Innovative Programs for Living an Extraordinary Life") convinced me it was time to sign up for the Landmark Forum in Action Seminar series. I'd attended the Forum several years ago. It was helpful, so I figured why not give the followup series a try. I think my life is pretty extraordinary already (yes, I live in a skewed, warped bubble), but it could be improved upon, certainly. And I seem to have tapped out all the books on the subject matter.

I'm sure if I surround myself with all this positive rah rah, the universe will salute me and I'll be rewarded with wonderful outcomes. Surely.

Working Hard or Hardly Working?

How about working hard at hardly working? I'm working, but hardly. I've been doing some pet sitting, catering, contract work. Just dabbling in a bit of this and a bit of that - barely. But this unemployment racket is really a pretty taxing gig as it turns out. It's a full time job in itself. I don't know where the days go, but they just fly by.

My clock is all messed up. I crawl out of bed at the crack of nine. Click on my laptop and start the coffee while it powers up. Almost three hours of internet searching scream by when I realize I need to scramble to get to my noon yoga class. I end up jogging there every day in order to make it in time. After yoga, where I practice my stretching, breathing, and Zen techniques, I usually go for a long walk. I get home to have a little bite of lunch and clean up and by now it's late afternoon. What have I done? Eh hem. Not much of anything, actually. I have spent a couple hours scanning and replying to emails, checking out some job websites, researched some schools and maybe...just maybe...I've sent a resume to someone. I might run to the store to pick up toilet paper or some other essential, then meet a friend for happy hour (it's actually cheaper than groceries these days). I get home and do some more internet nonsense, read my book(s), write a few ideas down on paper and head to bed around 2.00 a.m. It's a full day! How is one suppose to fit a job into that schedule? I ask you?

Hardly working? I think not.

Mrs. F#$@ing Rockefeller

What is it about being unemployed that makes a girl want to shop? One friend says it's all the time on my hands. That's possible. When I was working, full-time, all the way out in the the suburbs of Ballard, I had no time to go shopping. All the stores in Ballard close at 6.00 p.m. and I wasn't usually finished with work much before then. If I was, I was on a mission to get to yoga by six, so would quickly by-pass any interesting shops, head straight home to change and run to my class ready for Zen mode. Now I go to yoga at noon. I've got the whole day to myself.

Getting downtown during the past ten months was actually quite rare. Weekends were packed with other activities and shopping was never on the top of the list. I don't even like shopping. I'm not one of those woman who craves the latest fashions. I don't need retail therapy to get me through a rough day. I'm actually a bit of a cheapskate and find it difficult to part with my hard-earned meager funds. My usual MO is to walk around the store with an item I actually do need and then put it back on the rack and walk out empty handed because I talk myself out of needing it at all. At least for the moment.

So what is going on with me recently? I seem to be spending money like I'm Mrs. F#$@ing Rockefeller. That is, spending money like I have it! First, I book a trip to Vietnam just before quitting my job. Then while job hunting, I book a flight to San Diego to visit friends. As if that isn't enough spending, lately I keep finding myself in downtown shops 'browsing.' What am I doing in these shops at all? My shops are Crossroads Trading Post, Goodwill, Value Village and Take 2 Consignment, not my old haunts of Ann Taylor and Banana Republic. Haunts I visited back in the day, when I was a corporate climber, working for the man, earning the corporate dollar. No, the new me does not patronize these shops any longer. So why, pray tell, am I in there today? The sales got to me! A top for $14.00 and jeans (that fit perfectly!) for $40 at Ann Taylor Loft. How could I say no? I couldn't. I didn't. And I didn't stop there. I sauntered over to BR just to look at jackets. I just wanted to look. Maybe try one or two on. That's all. Nothing more. But once in there, I found one on sale that fit perfectly. I couldn't force myself to put it back on the rack. As I was leaving the store (with an application for employment in my bag) a co-unemployed friend called to see if I wanted to meet for happy hour. You bet. Why stop now? I'm Mrs. F#$@ing Rockefeller today.

Back in the Dating Saddle

Today was a first. I had a first date with a man who lives in Lacey (near Olympia if you're wondering "where the #@*# is Lacey?"). We met on Plenty of Fish.com. Our date started at 6.45 a.m. Another first for me. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm not a morning person. Unless I'm getting up to catch a flight somewhere, I'm generally not out of the sack at 6.45 a.m., no less dressed, made up and date-ready at that hour.

My POF date wanted to be sure he wouldn't hit any traffic so he left his house at 5.30 expecting to arrive at mine around 7.30. Luckily he called a little after 6.00 to let me know traffic was smooth and he expected to be at my place around 6.45. Crap. I shook the cobwebs out of my brain and hustled onto my feet to get ready. And what exactly does one do on a date at 6.45 a.m. if it wasn't a continuation of a date from the night before? On those occasions, I'm pretty sure of the protocol.

Our plan was to go to breakfast, so after a climb up to Kelly Park to view the sunrise (somehow this whole date seems backwards already, doesn't it?), we walked to the 5 Spot Cafe on Queen Anne where the breakfast is phenomenal. But they aren't open yet! They don't open until 8.30...the time I'm normally getting out of bed. We wander down the street and decide on El Diablo Coffee Shop. However, it's more coffee-shop than restaurant so breakfast items were limited. After lingering as long as humanly possible over our lattes and toast waiting for things to open, we take a stroll and end up getting pedicures. His suggestion which I commend him for being both bold enough to suggest it and brave enough to go through with it. In hindsight, I realize a couples pedicure is a bit too intimate for a first date activity.

After our pedi's we walked to Pike Place Market (POF hadn't ever been to Seattle and he's lived in the area since 1995.). We did the tour, saw the fish toss, took photos, had a Starbucks, all the while discussing all the things you discuss on a first date.

If I had realized he was from Lacey initially, I wouldn't have replied to his first contact. That's just geographically unrealistic for this transportationally challenged woman. He's also looking for someone who is ready to settle down in his Lacey home which includes a TV in every room, a DVD collection of 1300 movies, and three vehicles (a truck, a muscle car and a van). He doesn't like the city or the country. He likes what he calls "the in between" because they have it "all", a Home Depot, Lowe's and Block Buster Video where you can park real easily. Yeah, that's what I dub the "suburbs." Clearly, this wandering urban woman is not a match for this Lacey nester.

His parking meter ran out at noon and I chose to end the date at that point. I began to ask him if he needed a bite or a drink before heading south to beat traffic, but quite frankly, after 5+ hours of morning date, what I needed was a nap.

This internet dating is just too much work for me. Work I really don't want to do. I've got a 25 year old whose user name is "24talkin2u"... and another 28 year old user name "bahamapapa" who wants to 'chat.' There's only one possible topic we could be chatting about and I'm not into it. Then a 60 year old vies for my attention with pictures that range from 1977-2002. Yes, his most recent photo is six years old. And here I was feeling a little guilty about my own photo which is a year old.

To top it off, my worst fear has been realized. A male friend came across my profile and called me up to pitch me some crap about it. Ugh. Somehow there is just a weird, creepy feeling about having your pals see you in action, selling your stupid self on the internet. He even admitted that he felt oddly freaked out about reading my personal profile. He quickly clicked out of it and then called me up! Since he didn't respond to it on line, I have no idea what his user name is, or I might have taken a peak and checked out his profile. I mean tit for tat. He saw me naked, so now I get to see him!

A Sporty-Spice Kind of Weekend

Unable to persuade any of my pals to accompany me to the Storm game Saturday, I went anyway. Being alone certainly isn't going to stop me from having an experience. I figured at the very least, I could just go for the first half and then, like a restaurant critic, sneak out before the final course if things got bad. Well, I should have known better. As someone who, while channel surfing, comes across a curling match and pauses to take a peek and then gets totally sucked in, I should have known once there, I was in it for the long haul.

From my 9th row seat, I had a great view of an exiting game. It was neck in neck for the first quarter, then the Storm was down ten points at half time. The half time show was a performance by One World Taiko, an amazing Japanese drum ensemble who wowed the crowd. The Storm dance troupe, consisting of children ages 5-16 (more tots than teens), entertained us between quarters and during timeouts. Good little dancers, but, yes, tiny tots. The little girls had manes of long flowing hair they tossed about like sex kittens on top of a sleazy bar. That was slightly unnerving. But I tried to stuff my old fogy attitude away and appreciate the overall talent.

During the second half, the Storm came back fightin' and pulled ahead quickly. Late in the fourth quarter, Sheryl Swoope took a belt to the head which knocked her out cold. There were the usual hushed speculations amongst the crowd before she was hauled off on a stretcher. Then the team carried on and won the game by 12 points!

Yes, it was an exciting game. I was yelling, hollering, cheering and getting into it whole heartedly. I tried to chalk up a conversation with the guy sitting next to me, but no response. He was with his family. I wasn't flirting! Just trying to have some fun with the people who were near me! It's a sporting event for crying out loud.

Next day, after a heart pumping power walk, I did make that driving range date I promised myself. I figured I'd practice my swing, then saunter out onto the patio to sip a cool something or other and check out my fellow golfers. That backfired. The patio was closed for a private kiddie party. That shouldn't even be allowed. It's a golf club. Golfers expect to sit on the patio for cold one after a round of golf! While I was practicing my putting, a fella asked where the nearest place was to have a drink outside. I directed him to downtown Ballard. I'm pretty sure, based on his mannerisms, he was trying to figure out a way to ask me along. Sometimes it's a good thing that I'm right handed so my golf glove is worn on my left. Of course, in most cases that works against me since honing in on the wedding ring is my first order of business when I'm clocking a guy.

Definitely loads of men there, though. Will have to frequent more often-and maybe I'll actually improve my game in the process! Which really is the point, after all.

Day Four

Day four of unemployment. Not a lot has happened since day one. More of the same actually. I did send out a couple of resumes and made some contacts. I've met different friends and acquaintances for lunch, coffee and dinner. It's all about networking, right? Baked banana bread (seems to be what unemployed people do-bake). Been exercising, walking and going to yoga where I met another new classmate. Yes, a woman. I only seem to meet women in this town.

In a fit of poor judgment and frustration of having no male friends or dates in sight, I signed on to "Plentyoffish.com". It's free. And it's a little overwhelming. For anyone who has gone through the internet dating saga, you know what I mean. Have you ever gotten one of those matches where you click on the pictures and actually make an involuntary shutter and a noise like you've just seen a squished worm? Yeah. It's been depressing. And then there's that list of men who have reviewed your profile, but have passed you by. They are usually the handsome, successful ones. Why do they even bother to show you that list? I don't get it. What am I about to do, click on one of them and say "hey, you made a mistake passing me by! Give me a chance. I'm cuter than my picture." Sure, like who hasn't said that?

I just don't have what it takes for internet dating.

To make matters worse, the woman I had lunch with yesterday gave me tickets to the Storm game for Saturday night. She informed me that the games are really fun, but warned the bleachers are generally packed with lesbians. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just that it's another event full of women, for women, where I'll meet more women.

I think it's time to make a date with the driving range! And maybe they're hiring.

Easing into Something

Today was my first day of unemployment-yet, again. It's a situation that is none too foreign to me fortunately. Or unfortunately. However one chooses to look at the situation. It's a position I've chosen, so I can't moan and groan about it. I've actually chosen my sanity over working for a - shall I say "challenging" boss. He still owes me my final paycheck, so I've coveted his Vespa until he coughs up the dough. Seems fair enough given his M.O.

So I had a leisurely morning of drinking coffee in my bathrobe while researching jobs, schools, answering emails that have piled up over the long weekend, and booking a trip to San Diego. Yes, I get so easily distracted when I get on this computer. One thing leads to another, which leads to a few phone calls with friends afar, which ultimately leads to ... a trip.

I won't say what time I finally climbed out of my bathrobe and donned some actual clothing, but the sun had come out beckoning me to join it. I wasn't getting very far on the job/school search either. After a few hours of that, it begins to seem very futile and monotonous. It's only day one for crying out loud. Save a little job searching for tomorrow. Besides, I don't even know what I'm looking for at this point. I need to time to think, reflect, breathe and detox from the old job!

So I ran a couple of errands. First stop hair color. I had splurged and had my hair "professionally" colored at Rudy's for my birthday (yeah, I went all out), but now that I'm unemployed, it's back to the 'box'. After a few more stops, I went to Green Lake for a nice walk. It was such beautiful fall-like day. I got half way around when I overheard a girl telling someone on the phone that she was near "World Wraps." World Wraps? Yum. I haven't had a wrap for ages. I'm hungry. I promptly veer off the walking path and head straight for a (small size) "Spicy Caribbean Sole" wrap. Again, I can't seem to stay on task.

I happily nosh on my wrap and then get back to business, feeling more content, although a little guilty. I shouldn't be spending money on World Wraps and I definitely shouldn't be interrupting my exercise to EAT!

Okay, it's just my first day. Although I'm no novice at being unemployed, I do need to give myself a little time to adjust to my new routine. A routine of having no set routine that is. At least for a few days.