A Queen Anne Stalker

In a recent conversation with a friend, I was relaying my man's stocking fantasy. We'd had a hefty bet on a cribbage game. The loser had to comply with the winner's wishes, foot massage, breakfast in bed, sexual fantasy, whatever. Game on. I lost.

Once I got into my story I realized instead of stocking she heard "stalking". No wonder she suddenly got so quiet on the other end of the phone. I can only imagine her face, eyebrows furrowed, lips thoughtfully pursed curious how I was going to pull off a "stalking" fantasy. And while kind of a strange fantasy, he's entitled. Just what does a stalking fantasy entail? Would I call him frequently at inappropriate hours? Pester him at work? Show up on his doorstep in the middle of the night unannounced?

So back to the stocking fantasy. I had picked up a pair at Macy's some time ago and figured I'd surprise him one evening. What the heck. This is a pretty tame fantasy as far as fantasies go, so I'm game to play along. After the cribbage game he inquired if I owned any stockings. I could have lied. I should have lied. Instead I fessed up. He didn't hesitate. That was his request.

I retrieved my new stockings, lace demi-cup bra, panties and heels and tucked myself into the bathroom to don my costume. By the way, this is so not me. I hardly feel I can pull off the whole sex-kitten thing. But a bet's a bet.

I'd never worn stockings before and had no idea how they'd fit. Once I worked them up to my thighs, the elastic lace become a bit too tight. The fleshy (fat) part of my upper thigh squished unattractively over the top of the lace! The size of my legs haven't really been a sore spot for me as far as body parts go- my tummy, yes, my bingo-arms, definitely, but overall I can put up with my legs in general. But now they looked like stuffed sausages sticking out from my body. I don't have a full length mirror in the bathroom so when I looked down at myself I was horrified.

Hearing my grumbles and groans from in the bedroom my guy assured me it was okay to abort mission if I didn't feel comfortable. I promptly removed the offending hosiery and stepped out of the bathroom in the rest of the getup. From the reception I received, it was good enough.

I don't think I'm off the hook with regard to the fantasy in question, however. One friend suggested sheer non-control top pantie hose. Those won't work. They aren't any more attractive on me and the fantasy involves "stockings". She then suggested a little black skirt to camouflage the squishy bits. The "stalking" friend recommended the old fashion pin up girl stockings with garter belt and all.

This is getting complicated.